created to love Him...

Worship & Obedience sittin' in a tree...

2012-01-31T19:21:00.000-05:00

Lately I’ve been spending a lot of time reading and thinking about Abraham and Isaac…partially because this is currently my focus in my worship class for RMS and partially because I feel like Abraham’s story rarely leaves the surface of my thoughts. He teaches me so much about what a lifestyle of worship looks like. I thought I’d share some of my musings with you.

If I could sum up Abraham’s relationship with God I think it would look like this:

GOD SPEAKS = I DO.

In Genesis 12, God appears on the scene of Abram’s life and says to him, “GO from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you.” Immediately we learn from this that Abram’s life in God was built on trust. God didn’t tell him exactly where to travel to, which means that this journey involving leaving everything known behind would be spent listening to the voice of the Lord for direction with the intent to obey what He speaks. Right from this beginning we see Abram’s heart yielded to the heart of God. So, more accurately speaking maybe his relationship with God could be summed up like this:

GOD SPEAKS = I trust the sound of His voice so much that I’m immediately spurred into action.

In Genesis 21, God’s voice appears again. Isaac, the promised long-awaited child has arrived and Ishmael is feeling the intensity of some serious sibling rivalry. Think about him…for 12-13 years he had been the only beloved son on the scene, the heir of everything belonging to his father until Isaac appears. It’s no wonder he wanted to smack Isaac around a little bit! :) God speaks to Abraham and tells him to listen to his wife Sarah and cast Ishmael out of the camp. Sometimes the language in Scripture reads so cut and dry, but I have to believe this pained Abraham. I believed he loved Ishmael and now he will never see this son of his again. God up’s the ante here on testing Abraham’s obedience. And again, Abraham yields his heart to God’s heart and lets his son go.

The ultimate test comes in Genesis 22 with the sacrifice of Isaac. God speaks to Abraham saying, “Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love [just in case you weren’t sure who I was referring to, Abraham] and offer him as a burnt offering.” There is no reason to water down or defend God on what He was asking Abraham to do. This is the child of promise…the very promise initiated by God, Himself. From Abraham’s perspective, God was calling him to do something he would have never imagined. This unpredictability makes this such a staggering test - god seemed to be totally out of His character and destroying His own program…it’s as if God became Abraham’s worst enemy!

THIS IS WHAT MADE ABRAHAM’S FAITH SO GREAT.

The life of a true worshiper will involve the willingness to sacrifice whatever is dearest and most treasured…even if such is a gift from God. This parallels Jesus’ heart in Luke 14:26-27 for believers today.

“If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his own father, mother, wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, even his own life, cannot truly be my own disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.”

I’ve heard Josh Bentley say that it isn’t that God wants us to hate these people. It’s that our love for Him is to be so extravagant that any love we have for others looks like hate in comparison. As Abraham and Isaac take that agonizing 3-day journey to the mountain, Abraham tells his servants to stay back because he and the boy are going to worship the Lord together (Genesis 22:5). He wasn’t just giving them an excuse or hiding his intentions. His intention WAS to worship. His act of worship wasn’t Isaac’s bloodshed. His act of worship was his obedience to the voice of God. Every step he took to climb that mountain echoed a resounding “Yes, Lord” into the heavens. Worship and obedience cannot be empty of the other. They are a marriage…completely intertwined and united in purpose. I cannot show up on a Sunday and sing my love to God without obeying His voice the other 6 days of the week. That’s called a Pharisee…and I’m pretty sure that almost every time Jesus spoke to Pharisees it began with, “Woe to you!” :) 1 Samuel 15:22 says:

Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams.

To obey the voice of our Father, our Bridegroom, our Friend is better than any outward expression of worship we can offer. To obey Him reveals a heart that is yielded to His heart. To obey Him reveals a heart that says we trust the sound of His voice so much we’re immediately spurred into action. If someone were to sum up your relationship with God, how would the equation be finished:

GOD SPEAKS = I _________________________________

I am praying this week to have an increased trust in our Lord and to be someone whose worship is not absent of obedience to His heart cries. He’s so good and His love is so proven to us over & over. Will you take time this week to turn to Him and to listen to His voice with the intent to obey?

What Do You Give A God Who Has Everything?

2011-09-23T22:35:00.001-04:00

I love to learn about worship. I love to listen to the latest worship music and hear about the creative ways that churches use to incorporate worship into their identity. I've read many books on worship leading, listened to teachings & sermons on worship, traveled to different churches to watch what they do. I've studied the history of worship in churches and denominations around the world. I love talking with people about worship, because talking out what I think helps me solidify my beliefs. Living in our wealthy culture, there are resources upon resources available to me to enhance my understanding of worship. There are more than enough viewpoints and orders of service out there for me to think about and get my hands on.

But all of those things I just mentioned are mere supplements to the true knowledge of worship. In reality, there is one thing I need to learn about worship...and I need to learn it well. Interestingly though, many of the supplements I listed above do not take me to this one thing. They take me to creating song lists, how to work with your pastor for Sunday mornings, how to deal with musicians - to audition or not audition? That is the question, etc. Where can I find the newest sound equipment? They take me to creating a 'worship atmosphere' that is comfortable for the congregants and welcoming of people of all varying walks and situations. They teach me about the importance of enhancing my musical talent and how to sell many of my own worship CD's. They ask me to question how much of my song lists should be rehearsed versus spontaneous. Yet, with all these topics, it is still true that there is only one thing I need to learn about worship...and I need to learn it well.

One thing.
One resource.
One way.

I need to learn the One that I am worshiping. I need to learn the object upon whom my worshiping affections will be cast. I need to learn the One, inside and out. I need to learn the One I am worshiping. I need to know Him. I need to know His thoughts. I need to know His dance moves, His emotions. And...I need to know what pleases Him.

What do you get for a God who has everything? What makes Him tick? What can I possibly bring that would please such a perfectly beautiful being?

I have no money, no fame, and many mistakes, yet, daily I can bring Him this question: "Father, what do you desire from me today?" Our Western culture consistently ingrains in us the drive for self-gratification. This drive has spilled over into our churches and into our approach to the King of kings. Worship is relationship, not a great musical performance or expression. Worship is not lights, projectors, smoke machines and drum shields...it's not even my Roland keyboard that I love with oh so much of my heart! A "good" time of worship has NOTHING to do with how tight the band was musically or whether the songs played were my very favorite. Worship is Other-mindedness. It is every day. It is covenant partnership...a love relationship. It is sacrificing my desires to prefer what my Significant Other adores.

How do we know what pleases Him? Ask Him. He speaks. He speaks well. He speaks so well that when words are uttered from His mouth worlds come into existence. He speaks so well that all of the created order is sustained by His voice. We have a 66 book manual of His preferences and the things that bring pleasure to His heart. It's the Word. He is the Word. Read it. Know it. Do it. Know Him. Learn Him and proactively surprise Him with what excites Him. Daily. Right now. Abide in Him and learn His likes and dis-likes, His opinions and pet-peeves, His joys and delight.

I do not need one more worship leader conference or book on how to create a song list. I need to know One thing and I need to know Him well. Out of that knowing will spill the Great the Commandment, a love for Him that encompasses and requires every part of my being...a true worshiping heart.Welcome to "for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer", through death we will never part. Welcome to my life's pursuit.

I Kind of Love This...

2011-09-21T21:07:00.000-04:00

All fear is but the notion that God's love ends. Did you think that I end, that My bread warehouses are limited, that I will not be enough? But I am infinite, child. What can end in Me? Can life end in Me? Can happiness? Or peace? Or anything you need? Doesn't your Father always give you what you need? I am the Bread of Life and My bread for you will never end. Fear thinks God is finite and fear believes that there is not going to be enough. In Me, blessings never end because My love for you never ends. If My goodness towards you end, I will cease to exist, child. As long as there is a God in heaven there is grace on earth and I am the spilling God of the uncontainable, forever-overflowing-love-grace. ~God

I love that AND the very warm chocolate-chip cookies I just pulled out of my oven.

God's Word Cuts Deep...1 Thessalonians 5:18

2011-09-16T14:06:00.000-04:00

NASB: "In everything give thanks, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
ESV: "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
MESSAGE: "Thank God no matter what happens. This the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live."
KJV: "In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."

Holy Spirit, I need your help! Thank You that You are the Helper.

If it is God's will for us to give thanks in every circumstance, that means that there are things to be found in every circumstance to be thankful about. This is a partner verse with "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" (Philippians 4:4) If it is God's will for us to rejoice (re-joice = to joy again) in every circumstance, it means that joy can be found in every circumstance. I believe this is true and I am challenged. Too often I look for the wrong things in circumstances - worry, unbelief, fear, bitterness & disappointment. I even find that I live on edge, bearing down, waiting for these things to emerge. WHAT?! What Kingdom do I live in? God is ever joyful, never worried or despairing. God is ever delighting and rejoicing over us (Zephaniah 3:17). I think it is true to say that God is thankful for us...humbling. I want to be like my Father.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 is where God has my heart centered right now and I am in no hurry to leave. I want a thankful heart. I want my natural response to my daily life on this earth to be, "Thank You, Lord." I want to be thankful for others and toward others. I want to have a heart that seeks out treasures of joy and gratefulness that are hidden in every situation of my life. I am thankful for this pursuit, and I also recognize how much my heart needs to be transformed. My mind needs renewed. My habits and patterns need to be changed.

1 Thessalonians 5:18...search me, O God, and find all ungratefulness within me. Transform me by the renewing of my mind. You are the Good God.

Right Now

2011-09-04T20:53:00.000-04:00

I'm being challenged by thankfulness. I'm challenged by my lack of it and I'm challenged by the raw power of it. I'm challenged by how quickly thankfulness humbles me and slaughters my pride and stubborn heart. I'm challenged by how God's love language is a thankful heart. It must be. Thankfulness is the only thing I find in Scripture that is the doorway to His presence, His nearness.

Thankfulness makes right now a sanctuary for God. It's an invitation to the Almighty One to enter this present moment...and now this present moment. It's a glorious intrigue that pulls Him to invade my very thoughts, circumstances, failures, blue skies and dreams. Thankfulness is powerful enough to stop despair in its tracks and replace it with peace and joy and newness.

Too often I spend my thought-life thinking and chasing after the future. I'm driven to experience the next best thing. What I have obtained and am currently experiencing is on the less green side of the fence. There's always something better on the horizon if I can just strain hard enough to get there. Thankfulness puts me in my present place. It's a gift that allows me not to miss a moment of joy over what God is doing this split second in my life. What is spinning around me right now? I hear the crickets singing outside my window which reminds me that the earth is the Lord's and everything in it. He is sovereign over creation and He is sovereign over me. I sit in a beautiful apartment which reminds me of His tenacious provision for me. If I only live for the next best thing, I miss the thousand moments that He has tried to reveal Himself today. If I only live for the next best thing, time flies and I don't know where it went. Thankfulness stops the rapid advancement of time. It causes my mind to pause and reflect on the glory of God all around me and in me. I am a work in progress in the hand of my Maker. The progress is happening right now...and right now.

Jesus gave thanks. When Jesus gave thanks in Scripture, it was usually in the middle of the most mundane activities - breaking bread, cooking fish. But just a few words after His thankfulness, incredible miracles took place, like when 5000-10,000 people were fed on a hillside or at an evening supper the night before He saved me through His torture and death. I believe thankfulness carries the power of heaven and ushers that power into right now.

I want to be a professional thank-er. Thankfulness is a lifestyle of worship.

Thinking About Songwriting...

2011-07-24T23:32:00.000-04:00

I am a Twitter snoop. I don't have my own account. I mooch off of other people's accounts to get into the thoughts and business of people I know & don't know, but greatly respect. There. I've made my confession public.

Tonight I ran across a Tweet from Brian Johnson from Bethel Redding asking worship leaders to post their set worship list from this morning's service. Upon reading people's responses, almost everyone had similar to identical worship lists. Most of the songs were from Bethel Music or Tim Hughes, who might as well be a part of Bethel Music! :) I enjoy both of these by the way, and also lead much of their music at Redeemer. But, what I was seeing is that across the country or maybe across the world. the same songs were being offered all over the place. I'm thinking this could be one of two things: either unity across the church or a deficit in creativity in the church.

I don't know how it goes for other leaders or musicians, but I find songwriting to be SO difficult. It doesn't come easy to me at all. In fact, up to about a few years ago, I avoided it as much as possible due to my own insecurities. I was convinced that I didn't have song lyrics or melodies within me worth singing. Now I know that this is a lie from the enemy. God has put within my life, and yours, a story that needs to be shared and sung. God commands us in Psalm 33:3 to "sing to Him a new song; play skillfully on the strings, with loud shouts." The Hebrew word for "new" actually means "rebirth, restoration, renewal." God wants us worshiping with new songs that bring about rebirth, restoration and renewal.

Lately I've been listening to the radio, instead of my worship-music-only-iPod. I'm interested in the sounds that are currently being produced. In all honesty I find very little that is creative, new or worth joining in with. It all sounds the same and after awhile of listening, is pretty monotonous.Lady GaGa, in all of her claim to creativity, sounds the same as many female artists that have gone before her...there's nothing new under the sun in her music.

It is making me think about the church right now. From what I see, as a whole, we are severely lacking in creativity as well. It's interesting, though, because we have direct access to the Creator. We should have the cutting edge on songs being produced. But what I find (and I'm just as guilty) is that we worship leaders spend much of our time hunting for the newest band, singer, or worship leader that we can copy. Now, I don't think at all that we should erase this method completely...it is good to learn from one another and to gain from one another. But, I guess I'm feeling convicted to write more. I have direct access to the Holy Spirit who desires for me to hear the sounds going on in heaven. It's the easy way to copy others. It takes relationship and abiding (far more time consuming) in Christ for me to write new songs of rebirth, restoration and renewal. Jesus said in John 15 if we abide in Him, we will bear much fruit. Fruit produced will be unique to an individual's union with Him. For me, I'm thinking, that part of my fruit produced on this earth will be new songs. I want God to hear a great collage of sounds coming from worshiping hearts...not the same songs over and over. I know He's pleased either way because He loves when we love and adore Him.

So, if there are any other musicians or worship leaders out there that actually read my little blog, how do you go about songwriting? I want to learn more about how to do this. After my CD, Created to Worship, was finished last year I felt this relief come over me of, "WHEW! I won't ever have to do that again!" Hmm, well...now I think that is hogwash complacency! More abiding for me...more Presence...more listening for His voice and heart...more fruit coming.

My Kids

2011-07-24T18:38:00.001-04:00

I know the title of my blog is "The musings of a worship leader," but today I'm really thankful for the other part of ministry that God has given me and that is my kids at Redeemer. Today 3 of my kids (and 1 of Redeemer's youth) were baptized during our church service. A few weeks agos, one of my girls stood in front of the church and shared a prophetic vision that God had given her for our church. This morning as we worshiped, the front of the sanctuary was filled with kids dancing, singing and laughing. I'm so excited about what God is doing in them!

We've had a tradition at Redeemer since I was a child where we call the kids up to the steps every Sunday morning and pray for them before they go on to their classes. This is always one of my favorite moments on Sundays. This morning as they came running up, my heart felt overwhelmed with how wonderful they all are and the greatness that God has in store for them. Our assistant pastor, Josh, has said many times that our ceiling should be the floor of the next generation...meaning everything God gives us will be their starting point in their walk with Him. I truly think this is happening with our wee ones. I've loved growing up at Redeemer. I'm so thankful for our elders and founding members who have gone before me and trained me up. As good as it was, the kids coming up now have an even greater advantage, as will the generation that comes after them. What an honor to give to them what God has given me, to watch them excel in knowledge I've only recently grabbed a hold of. Sometimes I feel like the "old woman who lived in the shoe with so many children she didn't know what to do!" I wonder if I have enough to share with them and love them. But more often than that, I feel like Will Ferrell in Elf (sorry PJ!), in that I don't realize my size and just join in the fun of the little people! Someday I'll grow up...in the meantime, I'll just keep leading and playing with some of the mightiest young warriors in His Kingdom! Not a bad job!

My Heart is Missing!

2011-07-21T13:04:00.000-04:00


This building is a great place to play hide and seek!

It's missing because the people of Linden Avenue Baptist Church in Dayton, Ohio have stolen it! The thieves! :)

I'm back home sweet home and thinking a lot about the people I've met this week. God is the Rescuer and I just spent 4 glorious days with people who have been rescued from much for Much. I met former alcohol and drug addicts. I met former prostitutes. I met people who are wholeheartedly seeking after God's plan for their lives who yet struggle with addiction...people still crying out for freedom from their old life. I met servants, humility, hospitality, teachability, generosity, vulnerability, gentleness...real people in touch with their weaknesses and need for a Rescuer. I was in good company. I need a Rescuer, too.

I don't ever want to forget what God has saved me from. I never want to become desensitized to my moment of salvation. We all have sinned...we all have fallen short of God's incredible glory and holiness. What a God I have that would provide a way through Jesus for me to rise to the condition I was intended for...His glory. I don't ever want to lose the wonder and thankfulness over this truth. More importantly, I want to look at other people with this same wonder and thankfulness. All of us are on a journey of Christ-likeness. No one has arrived yet. All that God is and can do is available to us but we have not achieved living in that fullness yet. And so each day that I exist is to be spent stepping further into the fullness of God that is available to me now. Every day I exist is to be spent learning how to put aside my dead self and how to live as a new creation. What an amazing life! What an amazing God that He doesn't leave me in my old condition. I want to spend my days thanking Him for this and looking at others around me as "un-arrived" people on their way to living in the fullness of God. This requires the love defined in 1 Corinthians 13 (Pastor John is preaching on this at Redeemer this Sunday! Can't wait!). It requires patience, kindness. It requires that I not be envious, boastful, rude or self-seeking. It requires me to be slow-to-anger...to always hope, always believe, always encourage.

Father, today as I tune into Your voice, teach me how to walk further into the fullness of who You are and who You've made me to be. And may I view others in this same light. PS...bless the beautiful people of Linden Avenue Baptist Church and may today be a day of freedom for the oppressed.

Hamster Wheel

2011-07-18T09:21:00.001-04:00

If I lived in a hamster wheel, this is what it would look like!

I am still in Dayton and yesterday was a very full day...filled with wonderful God moments, coffee, Despicable Me, and good conversation. I spoke twice at Linden Avenue on worship, intimacy and identity. I preached my first "sermon" during a Sunday morning. I think it was preaching...I don't know the difference between preaching and teaching. I guess I should take Pastor John's class to find this out!

I had prepared something specific to give to the congregation before I arrived in Dayton. However, early yesterday morning I woke up and immediately felt like God had something different in mind for me to say. This was fun for me because it means He loves these people so much to give them something straight from His heart that day and it means that He loves me enough to use me to speak it. On top of changing my sermon around, I also felt like He gave me a few prophetic words for 2 people whom I've never met (prophetic meaning comforting, strengthening & encouraging...see 1 Corinthians 14:3). I saw their faces in my mind while sitting on my hotel bed. When I was called up to speak, I saw both of those men sitting in the pews. HA! I love how God works!

Last night I spoke on how worship is our birthright and what we are created for. God calling us to be worshipers is about two things: living our life to magnify, to make Him bigger AND living our lives as worship leaders for others to come along to do the same. This is the same as "love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength AND love your neighbor as yourself." Every follower of Jesus is meant to be a worshiper and a worship leader. I'm not talking about music/song leaders. Every follower of Jesus is given the high privilege and calling of living daily to glorify God in such a magnificent way that it is contagious to those around them.

I believe one of Satan's biggest strategies is to get us to obsess over ourselves...to obsess over our thoughts, struggles, shame and pride...to turn inward only seeing the small scale of our little world. One of God's biggest callings on us is to get us to turn outward, to obsess over Him and to see and know others. If the enemy can keep us on the hamster wheel of self obsession, he knows God will not receive our attention that He is so worthy of. If we are not giving God the attention He is so worthy of, then the enemy knows that we will not be loving others in the ways that God reveals to us.

Today, and every day, my challenge is to look outside of my unrenewed mind and give God my attention and obsession. Out of that I will love people. Out of that I will love myself. God's hamster wheel is so much more delightful and effective than the round-and-round of the enemy's. Doesn't it feel good to be on the right team? :)

On The Road Again...

2011-07-16T23:11:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting in a hotel in Dayton, Ohio. I love hotels. For some reason, they make my heart happy! Even though I'm technically still in the midwest and only a few hours from home, I am in a constant state of giddyness when I'm on a road trip.

The coolest picture of Olivia EVER!

I'm here with Olivia Wantz and her family who are pastors at Linden Avenue Baptist Church. Olivia went to our ministry school this past year and leads the worship ministry at Linden Avenue. I am going to be teaching on worship, identity and intimacy over the next 3 days. I'm excited to meet these people tomorrow morning. God has filled my heart with compassion for them and I believe He is going to do great things in them. I know He is going to speak to them. Why not? I believe God speaks to us today. I believe God wants to speak to us and has many things to say if we will but lend an eager ear and quiet our mouths long enough to listen. I love telling people how much God loves them and what He thinks about them...He only thinks good things. He is only happy over us. I know this is true because He poured out every last bit of wrath over sin upon Jesus when He was crucified. He has none left...which means He is completely free to do nothing but enjoy us and delight in us. If that doesn't move your heart to love Him and worship Him, what will? I get to share these things starting tomorrow and I'm excited to do this.

Tonight Olivia's dad, Doug, grilled the best hamburger I think I've ever had and then topped it off with strawberry cheesecake. This will lead to interesting dreams in hopefully a few minutes in my hotel room bed. Insert sigh of contentment.

Fill in the Holes

2011-07-13T09:44:00.001-04:00

Last night I read a story that has me thinking today. In fact, its directing my prayer time because I'm wondering if God would want to do a work in me this morning as I meet with Him. This story is out of a book I'm reading about a woman who has questions very similar to my own. This portion of her story went like this:

Naomi was re-locating from a rural town, where apartment rent is cheap and affordable, to San Diego, where you can get a 300 square foot studio for triple its value. Finding a place that would fit her budget and accept her golden retriever, India, was proving to be a challenge. Finally, she found a place renting an apartment over a garage, which meant sharing a lawn with the landlord, an older woman with a meticulous lawn. The landlord reluctantly agreed to accept India on a trial basis. Naomi and India moved in immediately.

The next morning, Naomi woke up to find that India had dug, not a hole, but a pit in the middle if this perfect lawn. Scared that her hopes of being home were dashed, Naomi went to apologize to her landlord. Her landlord met her with grace and filled the pit back in with the dirt that India had carefully placed all over the yard. The next morning, Naomi woke up to the same problem. She apologied again and was met with the same grace as before. This happened a few more times with the same result.

At the end of the week, Naomi left for few hours in the afternoon to run errands, expecting to come home to the same problem. She was positive at any moment she and her pit-digging dog would be kicked to the curb. However, when she arrived home, she saw that in place of the pit was planted a beautiful tree that made the meticulous lawn more attractive than it had ever been. It was so pretty, that it made you wonder how the lawn had existed without it for so long. The landlord said, "Isn't it a wonderful way to use a hole?"

I'm thinking about this story. I feel a contradiction in my life. Jesus says that all His fullness is within me and I in Him. Yet, in some areas of my life I feel nothing but gaping wide pits, lacking of fullness. These pits are ugly to me and wounding. It feels like nothing good can or will ever come of those places. But, the truth I know about God is that He,makes beauty from ashes. If I abide in Him long enough, it's an inevitable occurrance that I will see. Where I see a hideous, shameful hole, He sees a place to plant life and bring forth fruit. My prayer this morning is, "God, what kind of life do you see birthing out of this lack and how can I partner with You to tend it?" Jesus said that He came so that I might have life abundant. How literally can I take Him at this word? Thank God I'm a work in progress and not a work finished. Because, in Him today there is hope for more transformation into the identity of the Life Giver and more hope that beauty will arise and surprise me.

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Psalm 97

2011-07-09T13:23:00.000-04:00

This summer I have given an invitation to my worship team to join me in studying the Psalms. We've been taking one Psalm a week and meditating on it each day. When God speaks, we email it to the whole team to share with them what we're learning. This week we're focusing on Psalm 97.

I've been reading and reading Psalm 97 this week. To be honest, I'm having a hard time getting past verse 1! I feel really challenged by this verse: "The Lord reigns, let the earth rejoice; let the many coastlands be glad." God is challenging my level of rejoicing. I should be the most joy-filled person ever to walk this planet. The God that I serve is in absolute control and calls me "daughter," "beloved," "friend," and "priest." Not only does our God reign over all things, but we've been given the highest rank, greatest titles and most beautiful position under this all supreme Ruler. In confidence of this, I should be prancing around on this earth like I own the place...because I do. All that belongs to God has been given to me. Verse 11 says, "Light is sown for the righteous and joy for the upright in heart." If God has sown light and joy, then reaping light and joy should be the way my days are spent. I am learning that joy is not so much a state of being. Joy is a decision. Rejoicing is a verb. I need to make better decisions!

PS...verse 2 "Clouds and thick darkness are all around Him." I think this is interesting because in Revelation 4 it describes the greatest rainbow light show surrounding the throne ever created. How do clouds and thick darkness surround Him while Rainbow Bright is exploding at the same time??? I'm curious.

A New Mindset

2011-07-09T12:47:00.001-04:00

This week has been so good for me, and yet a struggle. Since December, it seems like life has been go, go, go! It's been such a busy, wonderful season of God opportunities. I enjoy busy because busy allows me to ignore the things spinning around in my head, most of which is filled with thoughts negative in nature. My mind is a war zone, quite often...the fight over which Kingdom I'm going to set my mind on: God's or the enemy's. This week started a couple month season of rest for me. I have the fewest obligations on my plate that I've had in a quite a long time. I had few human conversations and so much time to read. It was great...and hard at the same time because I was left alone with much of me! It's amazing how quickly loneliness can overwhelm and take over when I'm not at the top of my game.

But, God is so good! He is so faithful to meet me and encourage me. What would a day be without His voice? I have been thinking often about promises He has spoken to me. Some of them, one in particular, are so incredible that it feels impossible to wait for it to be seen. I'm a toddler. I want fulfillment now and within my tantrums I will show God how serious I am about that! I believe my Father taught this toddler something this week. He wants me to have a new mindset. Jesus said in John 14:15, "If you love Me, you will obey My commands." Obedience doesn't come first to gain love. We obey His commands, or His word, out of a heart of love for Him. Intimacy comes first. Obedience is the fruit of intimacy. When God gives us a command, it isn't necessarily like He's giving us our marching orders. His commands are invitations into partnership to fulfill His desires. It dawned on me this week that His promises are the same thing.

When God gives us a promise, there is process between the promise and the fulfillment. The process stinks! It's hard to wait. Process pulls everything impatient and evil out of your system. Process reveals who you really are by how you respond to God in the waiting. I hate process, but I thank Him for it at the same time because process is changing me to be more like Him. Promises & process are like commands...they are invitations into partnership to fulfill His desires. When God conceives a promise into your life, there's a choice to be made as to whether you accept that conception or abort it. Accepting it means that you are wholeheartedly throwing yourself into the preparation it takes for your life to be able to support the fulfillment. It's an opportunity for obedience. Active preparation while waiting is a bold declaration of faith that you believe God has spoken. I'm thinking of Joseph who decided to marry pregnant Mary, knowing he wasn't the father. He put his entire reputation at stake as a declaration of faith that his wife was truly carrying the Son of God. How ridiculous in the world's eyes for Joseph to do that. Active preparation is risky, crazy, ridiculous. Active preparation is bold and against the cultural norm. Noah built a boat because he believed God spoke a promise. Abraham left his entire family and all things comfortable because he believed God spoke a promise. Moses opposed the greatest governmental leader at the time because he believed God spoke a promise.

My life in comparison has been a weak display of faith in God's promises and I'm so thankful that this week He has raised the bar. He's given me some active things that I can do to prepare for fulfillment...which means that despite how long I've been waiting, the waiting hasn't been in vain. He will do what He has spoken. It's time that my life reflected what I believe in the present so that I am ready for fulfillment in the future.

"No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what He had promised." Romans 4:20-21

Common Thread...

2011-07-03T21:40:00.000-04:00

I spent this past week in Green Lake, Wisconsin with many people from Redeemer. We travel there every year for the Holy Spirit conference where our worship team leads worship. It's always a great week. The grounds are stunning, peaceful. We all cram into one house together for all kinds of family time...finding out who snores, who's loud, who doesn't like loud, eating good food, watching Pastor John giggle around midnight, etc. Good times.

This year, Randy Clark and Rachel Hickson were the main speakers. It was good to see Randy again and this was my first time to hear Rachel speak. She's a dynamo. I loved her heart and her obvious passion for intimacy with God. She challenged and encouraged my heart. I felt strengthened after listening to her.

Rachel spoke much about the process of waiting on God for promises fulfilled. She talked about the importance of continuing to persevere, to keep going, to keep your head up as a son/daughter of God. It seems like I've heard this topic on waiting come up at almost every conference I've attended. It's in many books that I read and on many teachings I follow on Podcasts. When Rachel spoke about this, I found myself feeling very encouraged and frustrated at the same time, to be honest! It's encouraging to know that, if so many people recognize this kind of season, I must be on the right track. It seems like a process of waiting on God to answer must be some sort of rite of passage in the Kingdom. He must know that I can survive and succeed at this. However, it was frustrating to hear because I don't want to hear one more person talk about the elements of process. I'm at a place where I feel done hearing and reading about it...I want God to finish this season so badly. Feeling encouraged and frustrated at the same time makes me feel bi-polar in my head. I used to beg God to show me what I had to do to end this season of waiting. I'm starting to figure out that there is nothing I can do...but wait and trust. It seems so simple in words, but this is the hardest thing I've had to do in my relationship with Him. I feel really weak and vulnerable to absolute failure...and yet He is so faithful to hold my head up and keep me moving forward in him. I have a love/hate relationship with process. I hate the pain and the buttons it pushes in my heart, but I wouldn't trade it for anything at the same time. I have learned so much about what true faith is and there is no other way to learn faith, but through unanswered prayer. I have learned that His goodness is not conditional on whether or not He gives me a "yes" for the desires of my heart. His goodness just stands on its own merit. I would not have learned this any other way. I am learning that hope does not disappoint and I am learning that God is true to His Word. These are all concepts I have read about in Scripture. Now I know them by knowing Him.

Tonight I am feeling really frustrated by the process God has me in. But frustration can never keep me from adoration of His goodness. My spirit is echoing the cries of David in Psalm 42:5, "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." I don't care what happens or doesn't happen in the days and years ahead of me. God is worthy. If you have an unanswered prayer or an unfulfilled promise and you're wondering why, more than likely you are in a process. God has something to teach you that is bigger than what you're asking for. His teachings are gifts, healings to wounds, and treasures beyond imagination. He's a good Father who knows what we need before we ask Him. If you're feeling the birth pangs of process, no matter how uncomfortable they may be, bless Jesus today. Because, just as a women in labor, there is no turning back in our walk with God. We're in this until something is birthed in our lives...and birth is inevitable.

Creativity in Worship

2011-06-22T14:36:00.000-04:00

Next week many people from Redeemer and others around the country will head to Green Lake, Wisconsin for the annual Holy Spirit conference. It's such a beautiful place. God always shows up and it's a great time spent with my church family. You really get to know each other well when you share a bathroom for a week!

This week I'll be teaching a workshop on creativity in worship. I love doing this. I teach 3 trimesters in Redeemer Ministry School on worship. I break these trimesters up like this:
#1 Intimacy and Identity: Knowing God and knowing yourself.
#2 Biblical Lifestyle of Worship: How to daily live out intimacy and idenitity.
#3 Creativity: Partnering with the Creator to reveal Him to others.

The first thing God wants us to know about Himself in Scripture is that He is the Creator (Genesis 1:1). Think of the multiple facets and characteristics that could have been the 1st thing revealed about Him: all-powerful, redeemer, father, bridegroom, comforter, sovereign, love, judge, etc. When I go to a bookstore to browse, I often read the first few pages of a book to see if it grabs me. It's the first few pages that give a preview of what that book is about. I do not take it lightly that God reveals Himself first as Creator. Why???

Statistics say that before a child reaches the age of 6, they are using 80% of their creative potential. Think of a young child's world...it's play, play, play. Their imagination runs wild 24/7. They are uninhibited creative creatures, filled with curiosity and new experiences every day. Once a child reaches the age of 6, they are only using 20% of their creative potential. What happens? They enter school where they are taught to conform to rules and coloring in the lines. They begin to learn that what they produce isn't good enough in comparison to other children and standards. We live in a culture of hierarchy where everything we do is measured and critiqued. As a child learns that what he produces on this earth isn't good enough or excepted or out-of-the-box, fears of what people think about them form. Rather than letting who they are be seen, they conform to the status quo and latest trends. These fears and conformity travel into adulthood.

I believe this is a method of the enemy to steal from God's children. The first thing God wants us to know about Himself is that He is Creator. The first thing God wants us to know about ourselves is that we're made in His image (Genesis 1:27). If we are made in the image of the Creator, than it is in our very make-up to be creative. Creativity is not limited to communicative arts (dancing, painting, music, writing, etc.), although it definitely includes those things. Creativity is simply (my definition) taking who I am and partnering with the Creator to reveal who He is to others. No one can produce who you are on this planet, but you. God has gifted you with specific words, talents, abilities, ideas, and breakthroughs that no one else can create.

To me, creativity in worship is Colossians 3:17, "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." So much of what we see in the artistic world is self-serving and self-glorifying. Think of the music playing on the radio right now. It's all about how I can "get mine". Anything that we produce is meant to bring glory and fame to God. There are songs to be sung, books yet unwritten, movies yet filmed, medical breakthroughs yet to be discovered, solutions for problems yet to be found, people yet to be loved. All of these require creativity. All of these are meant to declare the glories and wonders of Him on this earth. Who will produce them, but you? You are a creative being made in the image of your Creator Father. Ask God how you can partner with Him today to make Him famous.

Abiding in Christ

2011-06-09T11:14:00.000-04:00

I'm currently reading a book by Andrew Murray called, "Abide in Christ: Your Guide to Unspeakable Joy." I've been reading it for a couple weeks and I'm only about 25 pages in...not because I'm a slow reader, but because this book is packed with powerful one-liners. I feel like I read a sentence and it takes a few hours for my heart and mind to catch up with what God wants to teach me. I have to meditate on his words and give them time to work me. So...I thought I'd share a few sound bites with you. Andrew Murray says:

"Abiding in Him is not a work that we have to do as the condition for enjoying His salvation, but a consenting to let Him do all for us, and in us, and through us. It is a work He does for us - the fruit and the power of His redeeming love. Our part is to simply yield, to trust, and to wait for what He has engaged to perform."

"Abide in me: These words are no law of Moses, demanding from the sinful what they cannot perform. They are the command of love, which is ever only a promise in a different shape. Think of this until all feeling of burden and fear and despair pass away, and the first thought that comes as you hear of abiding in Jesus be one of bright and joyous hope: it is for me, I know I shall enjoy it. You are not under the law, with its inexorable DO, but under grace, with its blessed Believe what Christ will do for you. and if the question be asked, "But surely there is something for us to do?" the answer is, "Our doing and working are but the fruit of Christ's work in us." It is when the soul becomes utterly passive, looking and resting on what Christ is to do, that its energies are stirred to their highest activity, and that we work most effectually because we know that He works in us."

And lastly, these are the words I spent the most time on yesterday. Murray quotes Philippians 3:12, which says, "I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which I also am apprehended of Christ Jesus." He then goes on to say:

"This connection between Christ's work and our work is beautifully expressed [in this verse]. It was because he (Paul) knew that the mighty and the faithful One had grasped him with the glorious purpose of making him one with Himself, that he did his utmost to grasp the glorious prize.

Paul's expression, and its application to the Christian life, can best be understood if we think of a father helping his child to mount the side of some steep precipice. The father stands above, and has taken the son by the hand to help him on. He points him to the spot on which he will help him to plant his feet, as he leaps upward. The leap would be too high and dangerous for the child alone; but the father's hand is his to trust, and he leaps to get hold of the point for which his father has taken hold of him. It is the father's strength that secures him and lifts him up, and so urges him to use his utmost strength.

Such is the relationship between Christ and you, O weak and trembling believer! Fix first your eyes on the whereunto for which He has apprehended you. It is nothing less than a life of abiding, unbroken fellowship with Himself to which He is seeking to lift you up."

Love this.

Lost

2011-05-24T18:57:00.000-04:00

I've been sitting on my front porch tonight all of 5 minutes. I'm reading a book by Andrew Murray called, "Abiding in Christ." It's excellent and making my head hurt. I've just sat down with my iced tea, Bible, journal, G2 pens (as I've been taught by John and Josh are the best pens!) and I'm ready for a relaxing time of reading and learning.

However, like I said, I've been sitting here for about 5-10 minutes and already I've been interrupted 2 times by 2 different people walking down the street. Both of them were lost. Both of them needed directions to find a street that is just one block over from my house. Two different lives. Two different stories. These people were so close to their destination and both said they had been walking around for over an hour trying to find their street, all the while its been within their reach the whole time. As I talked to both of them separately, I don't know why (other than Holy Spirit prodding) but I felt sympathy and compassion for both of these women. I knew God was trying to talk to me.

Today I've been focusing on Matthew 11:28-29, "Come to Me, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me; and you will find rest for your soul." How many people on this planet are wandering around so close to stumbling upon God's love for them but keep moving around missing it the whole time? I think the word "evangelism" has been given a bad rap in Christian-ese language, as if its something that is only for a select gifted few or something that is too scary in our culture. In reality, isn't it simply bringing someone along to the right direction? Helping them stay on the right path leading directly to the love that God has for them?

I'm a coward. Out of fear of rejection, I have missed so many opportunities to plant people's feet in the right direction in Him. How fun would it be if my front porch becomes an altar place where people walking by receive healing, love, encouragement, strength and guidance? When I was little, there was a yellow house across the street from my house that all of the kids in the neighborhood dubbed the "witch's house". An older woman lived there who only glared at us from behind her curtain and who only came out once a week to walk to the grocery store. We were all convince that if we put a toe on her lawn we would become cursed. Sometimes we'd sit on my front porch and imagine what kind of curses she would put on us. Maybe my house could be the complete opposite...the neighborhood kids would know that if they put one toe on my lawn they would be welcomed and loved. It would involve sacrifice. I'd have to change the purpose of my porch from being my place of solitude to being my place of mission. Why should I be afraid of that?

dunamai

2011-05-17T15:01:00.000-04:00

Today in my quiet time I have been asking God about the state of my heart. It's been a "search me Oh God" kind of day. These days feel scary and good. I hate the feeling when my weaknesses are revealed, but this is the moment when the Father feels the most gentle with me. He loves me today and yet He loves me too much to leave me the way I am.

I am caught by 1 Corinthians 10:14, which says: "Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry." Flee...run...sever...these words are drastic. There is no room for lingering around idolatry, anything that has a greater throne than God in your life. I have big dreams in my heart. A few of them take up the majority of my thought life and imagination. I anticipate the fulfillment of these desires. I dream about them, think about them. Sometimes I can get so caught up in dreaming, that I waste the time I have in reality right now. It is often that my dreams consume more of my thoughts and dreams than my meditation on Jesus. It gets really muddled because I need God to fulfill my desires...they are too big for me, and so He is involved in them. I talk about them with Him. He is included. But there are more moments than I care to admit where my dreams take center stage in my life over Him. The Fulfiller takes back seat to the fulfillment.

The Holy Spirit brought this to my attention today. I do not like that I do this. I want to be able to say of myself that no matter what I have or don't have, God is all that is wanted. I'm content with Him and Him alone. I am not there, yet. As God searched my heart today, I realized that as much as I want Him to fulfill His promises in my life, I am very afraid of Him doing that at the same time. What if He gives me my dreams, and instead of remaining faithful to Him, I turn my attention and affections to what He's given me? Do I have what it takes within me to remain faithful to Him? Pastor John said this past Sunday that if we think we are strong enough to overcome temptation in our own strength we are deceived. I am not strong enough to remain faithful to Him and because of this I'm fearful of fulfillment, as much as I want Him to answer. And then the Holy Spirit plopped a verse in my mind...

"Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of His glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority before all time and now and forever. Amen." Jude 24-25

The word "able" is the Greek word "dunamai" which means "to be capable, strong and powerful." God is capable enough, strong enough and powerful enough to keep me faithful to Him. It isn't my job...it's His. AND, Jesus keeps me faithful with "great joy". I don't know if anyone else ever worries whether they can remain faithful to God...I'm assuming there are others or God wouldn't have had those words written for us. Today, be encouraged. It is God's power, strength & ability that keeps you faithful to Him, not your striving and effort. It is not your righteous deeds, but His.

So...what is our job, then? Abide in His love. All other things are up to Him.

I Have Questions...

2011-05-02T11:42:00.000-04:00

"Ding Dong! The witch is dead!" This is basically what I woke up to this morning in light of the death of Osama Bin Laden. The world is dancing, rejoicing and bragging over the absence of one less terrorist in this world. I don't blame the celebration...but it leaves me with questions.

Ephesians 6:12 says, "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." Bin Laden was a man created by God for the purpose of loving Him. But rather, his life was spent as a demonized leader bringing much evil to this world and training others to do the same. I say demonized because how else can one person wreak that much hell on this planet if not by evil influence? I do not think it is far fetched at all to say that within his spirit ruled cosmic powers over this present darkness. So, if we as followers of Jesus wrestle not against flesh, but against spiritual forces of evil...what has happened to those physical forces of evil now that the Bin Laden flesh container is destroyed? Where have they gone? Or, were they destroyed when Bin Laden died?

I would equate Bin Laden to be similar to a Pharaoh figure in the time of Moses. They were both evil oppressors of God's people. They both refused to yield their lives to the one true God. They were power hungry at the murderous expense of innocent people. God supernaturally destroyed Pharaoh when the Red Sea closed over him and his army. What happened to the spiritual forces of evil that resided upon him? When God, in the Old Testament, destroyed human enemies that opposed his people, did He destroy the principalities that empowered them at the same time? In Mark 5:1-20 is the story of Jesus bringing freedom to the demonized man who had within him a "legion" of demons. I've read that the word "legion" was a military term that equated to around 10,000 in number! How a physical, earthly body can contain such madness is astounding to think about! The story ends with the demons crying out for mercy and they ask Jesus to send them into a herd of pigs, rather than expel them from the area. Jesus permits this and the pigs go crazy and throw themselves off a cliff. Were the demons destroyed when the pigs died? Or were they allowed to remain bringing torment to their next victim?

I have read and heard much celebration from many people over the past 12 hours...from both Christians and non-Christians. The interesting thing to me is that the response is the same from both parties. Christians...one of my questions is how can we feel relief of the destruction of one man's flesh if what spiritually resided within him still remains as a stronghold of evil on the region this man's flesh lived? It seems that our focus would then be on the temporal, the flesh and blood, rather than the spiritual. As intently evil as Bin Laden was, God made him for relationship with Himself. I can't help but wonder if while we celebrate, God grieves the loss of another child. I, myself, am not sure what is the right response. Part of me feels thankful that the enemy took a hit yesterday...but, I'm wondering, too, does the enemy view it that way? Satan exists right now to destroy as many humans as he can before his own final destruction comes. Is the enemy rejoicing right alongside us at the death of one of God's creations?

I'm sure this will not be a popular thought...but my heart feels sad that Bin Laden chose a life outside of the goodness of God and the salvation through Jesus Christ. Eternity will not be spent with him. God, I think, would have loved for Bin Laden's heart to be turned towards Him and to have all of eternity in relationship to one more son. My heart feels this way towards anyone that dies before understanding God's love for them. How can anyone live a day without hearing the voice of God? without knowing His touch on their lives? without seeing His goodness and favor displayed over them? without the knowledge that He wants you? without the plans that He has laid out for your life, plans with a purpose and hope? without experiencing freedom from sin and darkness? It's no wonder that ALL of heaven rejoices at the salvation of one more human. But as much as they rejoice at the addition of a son or a daughter, how much does heaven grieve at the loss of another?

I want to know what's happened to those powers and principalities that drove Bin Laden...I want to know so that if they were not destroyed when he died, then I can pray and intercede against them. Because, 1 John 4:4 says, "You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." Greater is the Spiritual Force that lives within me than the one that lived in him. It's my rightful privilege as an heir of Christ to make my Spiritual Force known to wreak HIS havoc on His enemies. God desires that all men be saved...even the ones that we in our small human understanding would deem impossible for salvation.

Dance on My Feet

2011-04-26T12:08:00.000-04:00

For the past several years I have been very focused (God would say obsessed!) on the dreams living in my heart...things that I am waiting on Him to bring about in my life. Often, these dreams have consumed my every waking moment making it difficult to accomplish anything else. This season has been such a faith journey for me. He still hasn't answered, but I'm realizing that there is more to His method of madness than what my human-surface understanding can see. I am realizing that He has so much more to teach me and give to me than what my little heart-dreams are obsessed about. I believe He will give me my heart-dreams, but I'm getting a clue that it will not be until I am transformed to recognize that His plans are bigger than mine and it's time to get on board with His agenda for my life, rather than remaining limited to my own imagination. He's way more extravagant and creative than I have capability for!

Do you ever feel like your life is bigger and more important than what you think? That there are relationships, situations and circumstances just around the corner outside of your design for yourself that will bring such favor, blessing and significance beyond anything you considered God would do in your life? I feel on the edge of my seat and in awe of God. The Father has a unique place for each of us in His heart and a unique role of greatness in His Kingdom.

His place for me is over my head, outside of my capabilities. There is no ability I have that He can't do better and more rightly. So...why bother? Why doesn't He just accomplish His purposes by Himself? Why does He mess with my mess?

I can remember when I was little I loved to help my dad wash the cars. It made me feel like I was big stuff to grab a sponge bigger than my head and attempt to help him do this. I felt really good about my contribution to his job. In reality, what I accomplished doing was to make a bigger mess...dumping buckets, tracking muddy feet inside the car, dragging the towels along the ground while trying to dry the bumper, etc. My dad could have done a WAY more efficient job if I wasn't present and active in his life at that point! But, he always asked me to do this with him rather than exclude me.

It's so this same way with God the Father. He has giant desires, tasks and exploits on His heart that He could accomplish WAY more efficiently without my stumbling and fumbling. I am amazed today that He invites me along with Him to do what He does. He invites me to love the fatherless. He invites me to love His church. He invites me to push back the powers of darkness. He invites me to be holy as He is holy. I don't know how to do these things! It's the Daddy-daughter dance. My life is to be spent dancing on His feet...which means that He leads, moves, directs and exerts His power and ability. I'm along for the twirling in submission to His movements and creative steps. It's the echo of Jesus' mantra in John 5:19-20 ~ "the Son can do nothing of His own accord, but only what He sees the Father doing. For whatever the Father does, that the Son does likewise. For the Father loves the Son and shows Him all that He Himself is doing."

Jesus had to learn the Father's steps, too. Hebrews 5:8 says that Jesus learned obedience through what He suffered. If the Son of God had to learn the Father's moves and submit to them, how much more do I have to learn? I must stay in step with the Father before I am to be handed to the Bridegroom. My life is a gift to be spent fulfilling His desires. I get to spend every breathing moment in His dreams, making Him win...as if He needed me to do that! My life is a gift and the gift is far more great than I've ever anticipated. It's going to be worth the time spent learning obedience through suffering and submission. It's going to be worth it. In the meantime, I'll keep dancing on His feet.

there is no one like You in the heavens or on the earth

2011-04-22T22:07:00.001-04:00

Who has believed our message and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?

He grew up before Him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to Him, and nothing in His appearance that we should desire Him.

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.

Like one from whom men hide their faces He was despised, and we esteemed Him not.

Surely He took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered Him stricken by God, smitten by Him, and afflicted.

But He was PIERCED for our transgressions, He was CRUSHED for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His WOUNDS we are healed.

We all like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned his own way; and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed and afflicted, yet He did not open His mouth; He was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so He did not open His mouth.

By oppression and judgment He was taken away. And who can speak of His descendants? For He was cut off from the land of the living; for the transgression of my people He was stricken.

He was assigned a grave with the wicked, and with the rich in His death, though He had done no violence, nor was any deceit in His mouth.

Yet it was the Lord's will to crush Him and cause Him to suffer, and though the Lord makes His life a guilt offering, He will see His offspring and prolong His days, and the will of the Lord will prosper in His hand.

After the suffering of His soul, He will see the light of life and be satisfied; by His knowledge my righteous servant will justify many, and He will bear their iniquities.

Therefore I will give Him a portion among the great, and He will divide the spoils with the strong, because He poured out His life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors.

For He bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors. ~Isaiah 53

I wonder what Isaiah the prophet understood about the Beauty he was describing.

I Am Currently Reading...

2011-04-15T12:42:00.000-04:00

The Book of Hebrews...and I have lots of questions. My usual response when I have questions about Scripture is to run to commentaries or people I view as smarter than me in the Kingdom and suck all the wisdom out of them as I possibly can hold. This past week, however, I find myself being challenged in a new discipline with how I handle the Word and the ability of the Holy Spirit to teach me Himself. I am finding that even in the area of reading my Bible, I am impatient. If I don't understand something I want to know that answer RIGHT NOW! I don't want to wait. What a difficult skill it is to sit quietly and wait on the Holy Spirit to teach me before running to other sources. It involves trust that I have the ability to hear His voice. Running to commentaries is the easy way out. Trusting the One who leads me into all truth to speak takes more restraint and patience.

I can hardly talk about what God did this past Saturday night at the end of the Furious Love event. I have never experienced a God-moment like that one. I have never left a church gathering immediately changed like I left that night. This kind of change was different. God changed something in me that has spurred me on to action and propelled me forward to "do" out of my love for Him. I can't really explain it very well because it was so precious and inwardly personal for me. Philip Mantofa has caused me to look at the Bible in a new way...and I can never go back. I loved the Word before Saturday night...but now I understand what it means to jealously guard it and to cherish it above all other things. I left the finale of Furious Love starving and desperate, rather than fat and fed. I left that night recognizing a need for God in my life that I've never known and I left standing on the truth that God loves me so much that He wants me to have Him.

This morning I am struck by Hebrews 2:8-9..

In putting everything under Him, God left nothing that is not subject to Him. Yet at present we do not see everything subject to Him. But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, now crowned with glory and honor because He suffered death, so that by the grace of God He might taste death for everyone.

How different God's ways are than mine. How seemingly ridiculous to make the Hero of Salvation low and humiliated for the strategy of rescuing us from death. Jesus tasted death for me. He had never known death of any kind until He willingly subjected Himself to it. He is the abundant life who took on death. Do I have any clue or concept the kind of effort it took to save my life? Do I have any clue what it was like for Jesus to leave perfection and become my sin? I feel overwhelmed with gratitude and purpose. How can I live this life without passion for Him when it took such great passion from Him to have me?

I am excited about the days ahead. God is doing a new thing in my heart. I am excited to see what I can get my hands into. I am excited to have this time, this season with Him. I feel filled with anticipation that He has much up His sleeve. I feel joyful over knowing that He is good and that freedom is fully available to me. I can walk in as much of it as I choose. Jesus tasted death for me so that I can taste life. Today will be a good day.

The Kindness of Conviction

2011-03-28T12:44:00.000-04:00

Yesterday morning I led worship at Redeemer. It's one of my favorite things to do while existing on this planet...definitely on my top 5 list. It was a great morning. Our congregation is such a family. It is feeling more and more that our weekly gatherings our cozy times in God's living room.

Today I've been reflecting back on what happened yesterday as I often do on Mondays. I was looking at our time of worship, seeing the faces and different outward expressions of worship that were displayed. Yesterday morning was one of those days I felt completely scattered in thought and focus. It's mornings like that I am aware and thankful that His presence comes out of His love for His people...not based on my perfection or performance.

As a worship leader/musician, there is this inward struggle that takes place of keeping my eyes on Him and what is on His heart vs. looking for instant gratification from the outward expression of worship from people to make me feel good in my role. In other words, because God has more work to do in my heart, I still struggle sometimes with gauging how I am doing as worship leader on how vibrantly people express praise outwardly (raising hands, yelling, dancing, kneeling, etc). If people are yelling and creating a raucous, I MUST be doing a good job! This is so dangerous because then it becomes all about me and my need to feel good. I realize yesterday that my thoughts were centered on looking for personal affirmation more than they were centered on magnifying (making bigger) my Father. Now...because God loves me and loves our people so much He did not withhold Himself yesterday because of my stupid mindset! Thank You, Jesus! It's because His presence isn't founded on my successful or failed performance. He just Is.

I am so thankful and needy of God's kind conviction. He only brought this to my mind to make me more like Him. He only brought this to my mind to make me a better daughter and leader. He only brought this to my mind out of love for His church. What if I served a God who left me in my current condition, with no hope of reform? I feel that I've had a few weeks now of being in a state of God's discipline. The Book of Hebrews says it is proof that He loves me. So, today I'm excited about His discipline...I'm excited about His gentle reminder that leading worship is not a job task for personal gain. And, I'm excited for His mercy that allows me the privilege to live my life to magnify Him. Today I get to start over and do it better.

God is good.

A Fun Game...

2011-03-15T17:59:00.000-04:00

I tend to take Jesus admonition to come to Him like a little child seriously! I love that I follow a God who loves child-likeness. I find that He loves to play more than we serious hard-working humans dare to imagine. God and I like to play games together. He is often the initiator, or instigator!

At Redeemer, we are currently studying as a church body the letter of 1 Corinthians. I am really excited about this. It is challenging my heart and my understanding of the real Jesus. For me, the letters of Paul have always been a fight to fully understand...I think it's because of his crazy long run-on sentences. This week, we're looking at 1 Corinthians 1:26-31 and while studying this afternoon, God was in the mood to play a game. The game was to look for what these verses declare about His character. Read the verses below and then you'll see the treasures that I found. Feel free to add others that you may find.

²⁶ Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. ²⁷ But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. ²⁸ God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, ²⁹ so that no one may boast before him. ³⁰ It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. ³¹ Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”

*God delights in working outside of human wisdom and boxes.
*Within God's wisdom are 3 components - righteousness, holiness and redemption. His wisdom isn't just knowledge, but salvation for those who believe.
*God chose me to agree with His values far before I actually agreed with His values.
*He is grace.
*He is patience.
*He knew what I was, yet chose me because He saw what I would become.
*God has deliberately yielded Himself to partnership with weak, growing people. There is hope for me in Him that I can do great things.
*God is a good Father who separates (makes holy) His children to shame the wise and weaken the strong.
*God has humbled Himself to partner with someone like me.
(Is anyone getting thankful yet???!)
*God desires me to boast about Him...in other words, He finds my mouthpiece worthy to speak of Him! WOW! He trusts what I would say about Him to others!
*God is a good Father who gives the despised, wounded and rejected ones a home and value.

What do you see?

Random musings as I survive the Blizzard of 2011!

2011-02-02T00:39:00.000-05:00

Sioux Falls...so cold! :)

I can't sleep. The blizzard winds are blowing and shaking the walls of my house. I consider myself to be pretty big for my britches, but I'll publicly admit I'm feeling slightly anxious in this storm. Isn't that dumb?! So...I've decided to empty my full head of some thoughts in order to keep myself occupied.

Much has happened over the past month...a trip to New York and Sioux Falls, the Randy Clark conference, and my quiet times alone with God have been more filled with His voice than my own lately (this is my favorite!). My mind has much to process and is filled with questions for God to answer...more questions than usual, which may or may not be surprising to those of you who deal with me on a regular basis! My heart feels overwhelmed with an awareness of God's goodness and big-ness. This past weekend in Sioux Falls, in particular, left me feeling like I was set up by Him! John, Linda and I went to serve/teach/lead worship with one of the kindest groups of people I've ever encountered. I didn't know really what to expect. There is always joy in giving away to others what God has given you. I knew, at the very least, I could count on experiencing that. However, I walked away from this weekend being overly blessed, cared for, provided for, favored, and loved by both God and His Sioux Falls kids. I wasn't expecting the magnitude of this. God caught me off guard and I'm so thankful. January has been such a whirlwind of beautiful Kingdom business! Here are just some of the things that took place:

*I was able to teach and equip worship teams in New York City.
*I met a woman leaving for Africa for full-time mission work and have the privilege of praying for her.
*I drank bubble tea...yum!
*I did NOT eat eel.
*I became a chopstick champion.
*My dad's knees were healed after 20 years of pain. (See previous blog entry for the full story.)
*I feel more equipped and courageous to pray for the sick and to get over my fear of strangers! :)
*I had a word of knowledge in Sioux Falls about someone's knees needing healing. I was able to share my dad's testimony of his knees being healed. A woman came forward with a severe knee injury and, after praying for her, God healed both of her knees. Fun story!
*God confirmed promises and is filling my heart with hope.
*God provided for me financially in a major way.
*I have more strength at the end of this crazy month then when I started...He is sustainer.

My prophetic declaration??? I'm going to survive the Blizzard of 2011! I'm pretty sure that's an accurate word! Psalm 91 says that no harm will come to my "tent". God's good and big.

GOD HEALS A MAN'S KNEES AFTER 20 YEARS OF PAIN...

2011-01-25T22:24:00.000-05:00

This is a true story. This true story happened on Friday night, January 7th 2011 at Redeemer Fellowship Church in Monroe, Michigan with over 400 witnesses.

Hal Benner has faithfully served the Lord for at least 32 years (that's how many years I've been alive...yep! He's my dad!). For around 20 years he has had no cartilage in both of his knees. He's had much pain on a daily basis. I very rarely heard him complain about it growing up. He would walk as best as he could to keep up with his 3 girls.

On January 7th, he attended the Global Awakening conference with Randy Clark at our church. Randy, during the last song of the worship set, said that he believed many people were going to be healed while the congregation sang. We sang...God healed. Many people were healed, as Randy said. I was scanning the people in awe of what God was doing when I looked and saw that my dad was waving both his arms, indicating that he, too, had been a recipient of "on earth as it is in heaven"! My dad has had no pain since in either leg! This is something many of us have been praying for for years!

I love this story!!!

PS...the night before, while someone prayed for him they noticed that one of his legs was shorter than the other. It was off by several inches. He's walked with a good size limp for a long time. As they prayed, his short leg grew to the same length as his long leg. They're equal size now. Now, the only reason he has to walk with a limp is if he's trying to be ghetto daddy! YO YO DAWG! God's fun!

Thankfulness...again...

2011-01-23T21:42:00.000-05:00

Do you want to encounter more of God's presence? We sing lyrics filled with asking for more of God on most Sundays corporately. I know that my journal pages are filled with this heart cry..."God, I want to know You more. I want to have more of Your presence than I experienced last week."

Psalm 100:4 says, "Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and His courts with praise! Give thanks to Him; bless His name!" Notice that there aren't any question marks in this verse. It isn't a suggestion, it's a command. It's also a key...do you want to encounter more of God's presence? Practice thankfulness. Thankfulness is a Holy Spirit magnet. It's like the Holy Spirit is ticklish and becomes joyfully squirmy when He finds a thankful heart!

Early this morning I was driving to church with my iPod blaring, singing at the top of my lungs, hoping no one was watching! I have no other way to describe this other than to say Thankfulness entered my car. It felt around me, not in me. It was like the presence of Thankfulness. Immediately my heart became a bounty-quicker-picker-upper and what was first surrounding me became within me. I was overwhelmed with thankfulness for the presence of God in my life.

This is no cliche question...where would I be without Him actively present in my life? I do not understand the lives of those who have yet to meet His love and goodness, His Holy Spirit who counsels and comforts, His Son who redeems and intercedes for us. I cannot fathom how different my life would be. A few things I do know is that I would be a crabby, bitter, bossy, arrogant, old adult. If I have any joy, any ability to submit and prefer others, any humility, any amount of child-likeness it is because of His presence. He has changed me. I am not the same person I used to be and I have been given the greatest adventure ever known to man...to know my Creator as intimately as I choose to press in. Where else is this kind of attainable gift offered?

I have much that I am waiting on God to do. I have big, impossible promises that desire fulfillment. Waiting is hard and confusing. Disappointment and unbelief lie at my doorstep on a daily basis. It feels often that my heart and my mind are a war zone over which perspective I will choose to dwell in from moment to moment. It seems, more and more, that thankfulness is my largest weapon to stay with Him and to not quit or grow apathetic, lethargic. Thankfulness is the key to keeping me sharp in discernment. Thankfulness leads me to the place of wisdom. Thankfulness brings trust, peace, joy. Thankfulness leads to contentedness in current circumstances.Thankfulness remembers goodness. And most importantly, thankfulness leads me to the presence of the One.

New York City Day #2

2011-01-05T00:09:00.000-05:00

Today was adventurous...

*I was personally responsible for Kelly Reaume getting backhanded by a cute old man while sharing the Gospel.
*I led worship at the Chinese speaking service and Faith Bible Church this evening with John & Linda Piippo, Joy Bergeson, Kelly Reaume and Trevor Robinson.
*I had the honor of teaching a worship workshop after that...I love doing this!
*I ate something that tasted like chicken but had as many bones as fish.
*I had a Peppermint Mocha from Starbucks.
*I passed out fliers to people inviting them to the worship night this coming Friday night at Faith Bible Church...meanwhile, standing next to me were two men passing out strip club tickets. Two kingdoms colliding on the corner of Roosevelt and Main street!
*I found a shopping mall and had self-control to not enter...tomorrow may be a different story!
*I watched as Pastor John prayed for people at the end of a prayer meeting tonight...his kindness towards others teaches me so much! I love watching God use him!

It's been a good day!

New York City Day #1

2011-01-03T23:20:00.000-05:00

Today I flew into New York City with Pastor John and Linda. Our RMS students are here with us, as well. We are spending time with the largest Chinese church in New York. Our hosts, Pastor John and Rosie Hao, are two of the kindest people I have ever met. Their kindness is so vast, it challenges me to treat others as they do. I see Jesus in them.

This week I have the opportunity to teach their worship team leaders and members about the lifestyle of a worshiper and how to grow and develop their team. I'm very excited about this. I love teaching others about worship! I feel energized and charged every time I get to point others towards a more intimate relationship with God. I love leading worship, but I love even more teaching others how to worship.

Tonight we took our students to an authentic Chinese restaurant. This is the first of many authentic Chinese experiences this week! YAY! One of our students ordered eel...it still had eyes and a smile when it came to the table. We named it Ferdinand. Food shouldn't smile at you. I did not chew on Ferdinand. He did not want to be chewed on by me. Maybe he was smiling because I didn't chew on him...although some of our students did and I stifled a gag. I sipped on my mocha cappuccino smoothie and then I smiled.

God - The Righteous Judge

2010-12-17T10:47:00.001-05:00


I think this picture is funny!

Lately I have found myself in several conversations concerning the judgment of God. I am realizing that there are many people who hold much fear concerning the "Day of Judgment" or the "Day of the Lord" mentioned in Scripture. I understand this...I remember as a little girl praying to God and asking Him to not let Jesus return to the earth while I was alive because I was afraid of what would happen to me. I have had many misconceptions of God's character and what "Judgment Day" will look like.

So, a couple months ago I set out to see what Scripture actually has to say about God's judgment and how it was perceived by the original audience the Scriptures were written to. What I've found is changing how I view my Jesus and its giving me a new confidence in how I approach Him.

GOD'S JUDGMENT IS AN OCCASION FOR REJOICING:
There are several verses in the Old Testament that reveal this point. Psalm 67:4 says, "Let the nations be glad and sing for joy, for You judge the people with justice and guide the nations upon the earth...Selah." Also, in Psalm 96:12-13 it says, "Let the field exult and everything in it! Then shall all the trees of the forest sing for joy before the Lord, for He comes, for He comes to judge the earth. He will judge the world in righteousness, and the people in His faithfulness."

If in Scripture, the Jews rejoiced over judgment, then what truth am I missing that would cause me to fear and repel from judgment? It's about perception. C.S. Lewis gives his answer to this question in his book, Reflection on the Psalms. He writes:

The reason for this becomes very plain. The ancient Jews, like ourselves, think of God's judgment in terms of an earthly court of justice. The difference is that the Christian pictures the case to be tried as a criminal case with himself in the dock; the Jew pictures it as a civil case with himself as the plaintiff. The one hopes for acquittal, or rather for pardon; the other hopes for a resounding triumph with heavy damages.

The Jewish nation over history has understood this, I think, so much better than Christians...and for good reason. They have had much cause to cry out for justice in times of injustice. As slaves in Egypt, as the exiled in Babylon unable to practice their worship to the true God, as the oppressed under the Roman fist unable to rule their own land...they have experienced merciless cruelty and bondage. Who else could they turn to when all the world's systems are against them? God alone would be their rescuer, their hero of justice. This is how they viewed Him. God was the One who would avenge them. He alone was the One who could return all that was stolen from them by their enemies. The Divine Judge is the defender, the rescuer. Psalm 9:7-8,12 says, "But the Lord sits enthroned forever; He has established His throne for justice, and He judges the world with righteousness; He judges the peoples with uprightness...for He who avenges blood is mindful of them; he does not forget the cry of the afflicted." Psalm 76:8-9 says, "From the heavens You uttered judgment; the earth feared and was still, when God arose to establish judgment, TO SAVE ALL THE HUMBLE OF THE EARTH."

I am beginning to believe that when each of us will give an account of himself to God (Romans 14:12) it will not be me standing before the Lord having every single sin I've committed on earth declared over a loud speaker in heaven. I believed this and I know that many others fear this, too. Jesus has already dealt with my sin on the cross. He will not deal with it again. For Him to deal with my sin a second time means that the cross did not fully achieve it's goal of atonement. I am beginning to believe that when believers, children of the Father, stand before Him to give an account, it will be stories of what we and Jesus did on the earth together. Our testimonies will be celebrated in heaven. The judgment (or penalty as we view it) will be a case built upon the enemy and how he has worked to hinder the Kingdom of God and harm the Father's children. He is the Righteous Judge, Who's judgmental energy is spent on rescuing the humble of the earth. Who are the humble? Those living their lives in daily submission to the will of the Father...those living as Jesus lived.

Because of this, we can approach the throne of God with confidence. He will hear our cries for mercy, for help, for justice. Our position is to be like the persistent widow (Luke 18) who trusted that if she kept crying out, the judge would hear her and grant her justice. Jesus tells us this is how we should pray and view our God (Luke 18:1). Our heart's position needs to shift. Often we approach God in prayer timidly wondering if He'll do anything for us. I do this and I am realizing how faithless my approach to God can be. I don't believe Him to answer the cries of my heart and so I stop asking. I give up. But, to have persistence means that I faithfully believe there will come an answer. I am His daughter. My Father knows the sound of my voice. He will not turn a deaf ear. His punishment is saved for those opposed to Him. His justice is saved for His kids. If I can get this truth planted deeply in my heart and exercised in my daily life, what freedom that will bring in my relationship to Him as Father! He is so good and He has destined us to be children abundantly living in justice.

The Love Hermeneutic

2010-12-01T16:00:00.000-05:00

Today I was reading 1 Timothy chapter 1. Paul is writing to Timothy to direct him to handle people in the Church of Ephesus who were teaching false doctrines. They had wandered away from the truth of the Word to teach their own perceptions of it. Verse 7 says they were "desiring to be teachers of the law, without understanding either what they were saying or the things about which they made confident assertions."

I'm caught on verse 1:5. Paul tells Timothy that "the purpose of our commandment is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith."  In the verses previous (1 Timothy 1:1-4), Paul makes it clear that the Bible was not written to provoke philosophical debate nor to encourage the pursuit of theological bunnytrails. The purpose of Scripture is love.  They have been given in order to incite and perfect our love. 

With this in mind, if my time spent in the Word does not increase my love for God, then I've missed the whole point. I think it's also correct to say, then, if  my teaching or preaching of God’s Word does not draw listeners toward a more fervent love for Christ, I have abused the Scriptures. Bob Sorge calls this the "Love Hermeneutic." Hermeneutics is the theory or methodology by which Scripture is interpreted. Because God is love, the Word can only be interpreted through that lense if we're going to encounter correctly God's intent. 

The next time you're reading a passage of Scripture that makes little sense, read it again while asking this question:    How does this passage point me to the love of God? Because, everything in Scripture must be seen as directing our hearts more fully into the love of Christ.   

Dreaming Myself Out of a Mindset of Mediocrity

2010-11-10T17:31:00.001-05:00

I don't want to come to the end of my life with any regrets. I heard someone say recently that "mediocrity is violent and gives power to the spirit of poverty. A poverty spirit is about you living with meager possibilities when Jesus said, 'All things are possible.'"

SO...at the end of my life, I want my human footprint on earth to say:

*I discovered my fullness of potential in Christ Jesus.
*I lived taking risks.
*I lived thoroughly enjoying the majesty of God.
*I didn't live conservatively, but lived boldly and outrageously in love towards God and others.
*I fully capitalized on my relationship with the Holy Spirit.
*I finished completely exploring my present and my future in the Father.
*I was a woman of great faith.
*I moved through circumstances joyfully attacking the negatives in my life.
*I won't look back to see I'd been entirely too passive.
*I influenced and inspired as many people as God wanted me to.
*I lived in the grace of God refusing to be bound by any chains.
*I pursued freedom and excellence in order to occupy the space made available by the Holy Spirit.
*I was a pioneer...not a settler.
*I determined to find the best that God has and plundered it with all I'm worth.

...to name a few.

More on Inheritance...

2010-10-19T13:11:00.000-04:00

In Him you also, when you heard the gospel of your salvation, and believed in Him, were sealed with the Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee (down payment) of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of His glory. ~Ephesians 1:13-14

Anything we encounter through the Holy Spirit is but a taste, a down payment, a fraction of the riches we'll receive when we are face to face with our full inheritance in Christ. What blessings and riches has the Holy Spirit poured out in your life? However beautiful and magnificent His work in your life may be, it is but a fraction of what is to come. What is the worth you would attribute to the inheritance God has coming for you?

Whatever that amount of worth is makes Ephesians 1:18 all the more sweet...what are YOU worth as the inheritance of Jesus??!

Holy Spirit, you can come deposit as big a down payment into my life as you can possibly make! I'll take it! And may my life be a reciprocator...one who gives all I have to be Your inheritance as well.

Inheritance

2010-10-18T12:21:00.000-04:00

This morning I slept in past 11:00! Beautiful day off!

I woke up thinking about inheritance, so I decided to get my thoughts down before jumping out of bed to start my day. In Ephesians 1:11 Paul writes, "In Him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will." When I think about the truth that I have been given an inheritance in Jesus, my imaginative wheels start spinning wildly. What riches are included in this inheritance? What doesn't belong to Jesus, the King of kings? The Psalms declare that all of heaven and earth are His footstool. In Psalms 2:8, the nations are Jesus' possessions. The beauty of heaven, the glory of the throne, the angelic hosts, the weird creatures with the eyes...the list in endless! Paul even tries to give us a glimpse of what our inheritance in Christ looks like in earlier verses in Ephesians 1:

*every spiritual blessing in Christ

*we've been chosen to be holy and blameless

*He's in love with us

*spiritual adoption

*glorious grace freely given

*redemption through His blood

*forgiveness of sins

*wisdom and understanding

*knowledge of His mysterious will

This is just a portion of our inheritance in Jesus. What glory and majesty will the Father give His sons and daughters? The concept is staggering and enough to keep me wondering all my days. But...this isn't where I'm to remain. This isn't the highest truth that God wants me to dwell upon. My relationship with Him doesn't end with what He can give me, although its fun to think about.

Paul goes on to write in Ephesians 1:18, "I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints." Apparently, Jesus has an inheritance, too. What does a Father give a Son who has everything? What would make His heart excited to have and to hold throughout the ages? WE are His inheritance. Think about how grand our inheritance in Christ is...in comparison to the inheritance He will gain! What worth the Father and the Son ascribe to us faulty beings! YOU are the inheritance Jesus is waiting for...this is astounding!

I believe that my life as a follower/daughter/bride of Jesus is to move from focusing on Ephesians 1:11 to living Ephesians 1:18. It's wonderful to know what God will give me. It's so fun to wonder about. But, if I stay in that line of thinking too long, my relationship with Jesus will become self-focused. God can easily become my vending machine...gimme! Jesus wants me to move from a self-focused follower to a God-focused follower. I am the inheritance. What does that mean for my life? It means that I live to fulfill His desires. It means that I live to walk in voluntary obedience. It means that my heart wears a giant sandwich board that screams YES! to anything He asks. Jesus wants to conquer nations because the Father has promised the nations to be His possession and we, as princes and princesses in the Kingdom of God, are called to this high privilege and partnership to see this happen. I want Jesus, at the end of this age, to have His full inheritance...because I know assuredly that He will give me my full inheritance. He will not hold back. He will only continue to lavish His affections and resources upon me. I desire to be an equal marriage partner to Him. I want to live in such a way that my life lavishes my affections and resources upon Him. I want to walk around with the confidence that I, as His inheritance, am His trophy wife! It's a beautiful position to which we are all invited to fill.

YIELD

2010-10-12T15:08:00.001-04:00

Today I feel overwhelmed with thankfulness that I belong to God. I'm so thankful that I have been given knowledge of who He is...not the knowledge that puffs up, but the knowledge that renews my mind to live the way He lives. It's knowledge that renews my mind to think the way He thinks. What a gift! What kind of stinking evil would I be without His transforming kindness?

It makes me feel hungry to know more about Him. It makes me hungry to have more discernment. If His ways are higher than mine, than I desire to know His ways better than I know my own...to spend more time in His ways than in my ways. If His thoughts are truly higher than mine, I want to dwell on His thoughts more often than I dwell on mine. It seems that His ways and His thoughts are a higher reality than my simple, faulty ways and thinking. I want to live out of His reality. It's a high goal. 1 Corinthians 2:16 says, "For who has understood the mind of the Lord so as to instruct Him? But WE HAVE the mind of Christ." I have the mind of Christ! I can know the ways and thoughts of the Lord because I've been given the mind of Christ. Come renew my mind, Holy Spirit. Transform me to look like You, think like You, speak like You.

This sounds like Jesus. He said on earth He only spoke what He heard the Father say. He only did what He saw the Father do. He knew the thoughts of the Father. He knew the ways of the Father. He laid aside His deity when He came to this earth. He spoke these words as a human. As a human, Jesus KNEW the Father, which means to dwell in the higher reality of the Father's ways and thoughts is possible for me, too. HOW? I believe Jesus accomplished this, not by having super powers, but by laying His powers down. He fully yielded Himself to know the Father. He fully yielded His ways and His thoughts to abide in the ways and thoughts of His Father. Intimacy comes when we yield to the One we want to know. I think knowing the ways and thoughts of God must come at the expense of getting to exercise our own ways and thoughts. Jesus was tempted by satan to do things His own way and to not go to the cross. If He was tempted, it means He had to wrestle with laying down His own options before submitting to the way of the cross the Father had laid out for Him...if the King of kings had to wrestle to lay down His will, how much more do I need to make this a daily (if not moment to moment) discipline?

My hunger is growing and the road is getting more narrow. It's so narrow that there isn't even room enough to turn around and get out. I have no where to go but towards the more narrow. I'm hooked. I must know more of who He is. I must know how He thinks and how He operates. I must know, because in knowing, I will find the highest reality of how to live. I will find out who I am meant to be in light of who He is. I will know Him in yieldedness.

Unconditional Embrace

2010-09-20T14:54:00.000-04:00

This morning I was flipping through my Bible trying to find a place to land. Sometimes I'll do this because it's a fun game to play with God...often the random page I land on is the very voice and whisper I need to hear Him speak. Today is no exception. This is where the pages flipped to:

All the people, even the tax collectors, when they heard Jesus' words, acknowledged that God's way was right, because they had been baptized by John. But the Pharisees and experts in the law rejected God's purposes for themselves, because they had not been baptized by John. ~Luke 7:29-30
All the people, even the tax collectors, had a stirring in their heart that Jesus, this new movement and out-of-the-box revolutionary, was the right way. They acknowledged that He was from God. However, this wasn't just a head acknowledgment. Their hearts were stirred beyond head agreement into heart action. Their love for God was activated and proven through the testimony of baptism. On the flip side, the Pharisees rejected God's purposes for themselves...how? By refusing to move their head knowledge into heart action. They produced no external fruit and testament of their faith in God. They rejected the baptism of John. What did this baptism represent? A move of God outside of their understanding and paradigm. This baptism represented the need as humans to surrender to the sovereign wisdom of God, and to humbly admit that we don't know everything about how He operates.

The phrase that smacked me between the eyes was, "the Pharisees rejected God's purposes for themselves." Talk about a fear of God moment! I'm one of those weird people who have a broken heart towards the Pharisees. I so badly want the Bible to be re-written, kind of like a Choose Your Own Adventure book, where in the end, the Pharisees' eyes are open to the truth and they run into the arms of Christ. I can't handle it that they missed it. It kills me, probably because I recognize in my own heart how easy it is to miss God's voice by being caught up in what seems normal and right. They rejected God's purposes for themselves. They missed it. They couldn't handle the new things of God and were so caught up in patting themselves on the back that they were not positioned to know truth when they saw it. They couldn't receive that God's goodness and holiness could possibly come in ways they did not understand or did not initiate in their own strength and righteousness.

How easy is it for us, for me, to accept God's goodness in the obvious? It's easy to accept that He is good when everything is going as planned, in the land that is plentiful. I can sing the glories of His goodness in these moments without waver. But, when things don't go the way I've foreseen, when disappointment sets in, when God moves in ways that I cannot comprehend...the fight to believe He is good takes the strength of every fiber of my being to believe. I believe this is where true faith begins. When God operates outside of my expectations, I need to call that good, too. He's not only good when good things happen. He never changes. His goodness is in the wilderness, the unknown. His goodness is around us in every aspect of our lives. I can't surrender my heart to God only in the times when things go my way...this isn't surrender. The Pharisees missed Jesus because they refused to surrender their right to understand and in so doing they rejected the purposes of God for their lives. Bill Johnson said something in a recent sermon that has been stuck in my head:

"If you want the peace that passes understanding to guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus, you have to lay down your right to understand."
I want to have a heart of unconditional embrace...I want to believe in God's goodness in both the land that is plentiful and the road marked with suffering. He is good all the time, and all the time He is good.

PSALM 119:4-8...STARE DOWN!

2010-09-17T12:46:00.000-04:00

You have commanded Your precepts

to be kept diligently.

Oh that my ways may be steadfast

in keeping Your statutes!

Then I shall not be put to shame,

having my eyes fixed on all Your commandments.

I will praise You with an upright heart,

when I learn Your righteous rules.

I will keep Your statutes;

do not utterly forsake me!

I sometimes feel overwhelmed by the extent of what living a righteous life demands. I can't go a day without messing it up. Sometimes, I can't go more than a few minutes without messing it up! Lord, help me! Oh wait...He does! Look at the weight of Psalm 119:4 and how that burden is lifted in 119:5. The weight comes with the command to keep (obey) God's law DILIGENTLY. "Diligent" means to be contstant in effort to accomplish something. Diligent is a heavy, weighty word. The release from this weight is verse 5...we pray to the ONE who is able to help us keep our hearts steadfast. The weight is in the expectation of obedience to every jot and tittle of the God's Word. The release is that He is the mighty One who helps us succeed. This morning, while reading these verses, I became so thankful that I have a relationship with the Holy God. He is able to bear the weight of keeping ALL of His own commandments. Why? Because He is the Word incarnate. He is the walking, living embodiment of everything He commands us to do.

Look at the next verse...119:6..."then I shall not be put to shame, having my eyes fixed on all Your commandments." The first thing that comes to mind in reading this verse is Hebrews 12:2, where the writer tells us to FIX OUR EYES on Jesus, the author and PERFECTOR of our faith. Jesus is the Word (John 1:1). The way that we remain diligent, steadfast and absent of shame is to keep our eyes fixed on the Word, Jesus Christ. Everything He is is the embodiment and the answer for how we are to live. If you want to be released FROM the weight of the impossibility of living up to all of His commands TO the light and easy burden of actually being equipped to live them, then stare down Jesus! Watch Him in the Gospels. Watch Him in Matthew 5-7. Watch Him in creation. Watch Him in response to other people. Fix your eyes on Jesus. Get to the know Him intimately and watch how your heart will be released to be just like Him. We're not alone. Time for a stare down!

PSALM 119:1-3...how to do the Happy Dance!

2010-09-16T11:28:00.000-04:00

Blessed are those whose way is blameless, who walk in the law of the Lord! Blessed are those who keep His testimonies, who seek Him with their whole heart, who also do no wrong, but walk in His ways!

The word "blessed" in Hebrew means "happy". There is such a striving around us to find happiness. We look for happiness in many things...relationships, money, possessions, gadgets, etc. Oh! And shoes! The world offers us so many options for immediate happiness, but all of what the world offers is temporal happiness. God is the only One equipped to offer us eternal bliss...and His offer isn't future but very now, very present.

Happy are those whose way is blameless. Happy are those who walk in the law of the Lord. King David wrote in Psalm 24, "Who shall ascend the hill of the Lord? And who shall stand in His holy place?" David is asking how do you find yourself in the Presence of God? How do you get there? David is hungry for Presence. David answers his question by saying, "He who has clean hands and a pure heart."

God isn't interested in a Pharisaical people only focused on the do's and dont's of His word. He's interested in a relationship with His Bride who desires to please Him. God has kindly given us the Bible, which reveals the things that make Him happy. In a true love relationship, each partner lives to do things to please their significant other. This often involves much sacrifice and other-mindedness rather than self-focus and self-fulfillment. The reward for this is a marriage or partnership that has joy, safety, trust and health. God, in His word, has given us the recipe for how we can live the self-less life and to live the life that pleases our Significant Other.

Today I am asking God to search my heart and show me the disobedient places in my life. What is He asking of me that I am still struggling to do? This is the first step towards an increase of bliss in my life!

PSALM 119

2010-09-14T16:46:00.000-04:00

This morning I was reading in Psalm 119 and was overwhelmed by the greatness of this chapter. I think I will be spending time in this chapter for a while and have decided to blog the things that I think or that I feel God reveals through meditating on it. Stay tuned! Here are some verses that really stood out to me today...

Confirm to Your servant Your promise, that You may be feared.

Remember Your word to Your servant, in which You have made me hope. This is my comfort in my affliction, that Your promise gives me life.

I entreat Your favor with all my heart; be gracious to me according to Your promise.

Those who fear You shall see me and rejoice, because I have hoped in Your word.

My eyes long for Your promise; I ask, "When will You comfort me?"

Uphold me according to Your promise that I may live, and let me know be put to shame in my hope!

My eyes lon gfor Your salvation and for the fulfillment of Your righteous promise.

Your promise is well tried, and Your servant loves it.

As in a Dry and Weary Land...

2010-09-03T10:04:00.000-04:00

My week has been filled with unexpected ministry moments. I'm learning from Pastor John's example of how important it is to be interuptable. I have much to learn. God has brought across my path this week opportunities to bring truth to people with addictions and dependence on other things. Their situations are desperate, their families being highly affected and hurt by their dependency. I love these people and my heart aches for them to be free...but more than that, my heart aches for them to know the One who can free them. As I've been in conversation with these people, I've been, to the best I know how, pouring out God's truth to them. He is the only way, the only life, the only truth. He desires us to come to Him completely dependent and aware of lack of strength to do anything for ourselves. He desires relationship with Him, where we willingly yield our way of life to take up His. These things are true to the uttermost and I believe them...but to others who haven't been awakened to His steadfast love, these truths are just words. Without an encounter with the living God, these truths are just another set of advice from just one more person.

As I've been interceding for these people this week, I've been asking myself, "How are you doing in the area of dependence? If someone were to pinpoint the independent places in your heart, how would your words of truth sound to you?" Regarding my areas of weakness, I could easily have a response that says, "Easy for you to say, but you don't deal with my struggle day in and day out like I do." I'm in the same boat. Without an encounter with the living God, truth presented can be simply words.

Today I am meeting with one of these people again. I play out conversations in my head and I had a plan to ask them, "What are you doing to put yourself in a situation to win? How desperate are you to let go of unhealthy, comfortable patterns and to allow God to come in and transform you? Are you willing to go through the work it takes at any cost?" I'm thinking about these questions and asking them of myself now. I'm struggling in areas of money and relationships. I depend so heavily on these things. I haven't yet fully placed my dependedence on God in these places and it's weighing on me. My heart wants to do this. My mind is programed on a different course with what's familiar. But whether it be dependence on money, relationships, or alcohol or food...whatever the other trust-souce may be...dependence is nothing more than idolatry. Dependence on anything other than God is telling Him He's not able in that area of my life and I need a golden calf to make myself feel secure. I need to touch or see something physical in this weakness, rather than a God I can't touch or see.

This morning I am thinking about Psalm 63. David is running around in the wilderness of Judah. From day to day, Saul is pursuing to destroy his life and all he has to hang on is a promise that he will not die, but will rule all of Israel. His heart condition is matching his physical wilderness surroundings. He is desperate. He needs help. And this man who was able to kill the bear, the lion and giant has a choice - "I'm strong enough in my own power to kill this murderous king who's wreaking havoc in my life OR I can place my dependence on the One I love and can't see." David's choice?

Psalm 63:1 "O God, You are my God; earnestly I seek You; my soul thirsts for You; my flesh faints for You, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water."

Psalm 63:8 "My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me."

I often think I'm so much stronger than I am. I think that I can handle it and that I don't need to bother God with this issue or that issue...I got this one. But I'm learning that part of God's character is that He desires to help us. He has all the answers and will lavish them upon us. My part, though, is to humble myself to dependence. To admit to my heart, my mind, my fears, my independent spirit that I can do nothing outside of Him...but with God ALL things are possible.

Holy Spirit, I am needy and weak. I cannot do anything without You. Please come today and break my independent heart that lives to do things my way and in my strength. Help me to accept Your way and to joyfully yield my will to You. Help me to remain Your child and to look to You as Father. Give me an obedient heart.

The Road to Emmaus...

2010-09-01T10:00:00.000-04:00

This past week at Redeemer we studied the story of the couple walking along Emmaus Road. For me, this story brought new revelation and hope to trust God to finish what He started, even when present circumstances seem bleak, chaotic or confusing. I'm so thankful for the way God encourages my heart and strengthens me to keep running the race He's set before me. 

Today while reading, I found some thoughts on this story by Winnie Banov that I think are interesting. I've included them below:

In Luke 24 we find two people on the road to Emmaus just days after Jesus had been crucified and buried. As they were walking, the resurrected Jesus showed up and said, "What is going on, guys? You look really sad."

They were so disillusioned and confused. "Haven't you heard? You must be a stranger!" they replied.

Jesus kept His poker face and said, "Tell Me what happened; fill Me in."

"We thought that Jesus was going to get us all out of the mess we were in." When they were finished telling their sad story, He began speaking and opened up the Word to them. They liked what they were hearing and asked Him to stay awhile longer. He agreed, and they sat down to eat together. All of a sudden, their scaly eyes were opened. Jesus revealed Himself and they now saw that it was the Resurrected One who was speaking with them all along. What a marvelous reunion! Then in the blink of an eye, Jesus disappeared.

The "vanishing act" bothered me for quite some time. I asked, "Lord, why didn't You stay with them for a while and hang out? You labored with them all of that time. You were there, and they finally 'got it,' but then You disappeared. You didn't even hang out for dessert."

Finally He helped me connect the dots. They were kept from recognizing Jesus on purpose - Jesus was teaching them a new form of communication. On their way back to Jerusalem, they were talking to each other and saying, "Were not our hearts burning within us? Were not our hearts burning when He was speaking to us?" He was teaching them to recognize the burning of the Word in their hearts, and His burning passion in their spirits. Since Jesus was no longer going to walk around with them in His earthly body, they had to start learning this new communication system right away.

Pay attention to those burning passions and desires, for you have no idea the places that they will take you to. As you follow their lead, you will find yourself doing exactly what God has called you to do.

More Gratitude...

2010-09-01T09:07:00.000-04:00

TODAY I AM THANKFUL BECAUSE...

*my life-story isn't finished yet and God has good things in store for me.

*God longs to partner with me and I've been able to ride along with Him the past few days to watch Him work in the lives of hurting people.

*fall is almost here! Bring out the apple cider!

*I am not alone.

*God woke me up this morning. His breath is in my lungs.

*I'm alive and healthy.

*I have an eye appointment today and I get to order new glasses...accessory time!

*I get to spend 4-5 hours of uninterrupted time with my Jesus this afternoon.

*of Isaiah 55:10-13.

A Blue Sky Taco

2010-08-18T20:56:00.001-04:00

Today I was sun (Son) kissed! I spent my quiet time this afternoon at Maumee Bay State Park on Lake Erie. It was a BEAUTIFUL day...one I wish all of summer could be like. I don't often spend my quiet time outside because it's distracting to me. I want to look at everything and explore rather than stay focused on what God wants to say to me. Today was not this way. The moment I began my time alone with Him, it was like all of creation was joining in to honor Him and bring me His voice.

My time with Him began with thanksgiving and praise for the good things He is doing currently. Immediately I felt my heart fill with joy over His goodness...this in of itself is a miracle. I often waste so much time living in disappointment over things that haven't happened yet. It's a sin-weakness of mine that I've been asking God to change. Today I was taken off guard by how much joy I felt over His goodness, so much so, that it revealed to me that He is transforming my heart from misery to joy. The God who created all that I was looking at today is working in my little heart!

With that, I turned to the sky and yelled (I'm not a yeller so this was fun, too!), "Thank You for transforming me, Jesus!" Right then, I became fixated on the sky. I was noticing the different layers and shades of blue. I could see across Maumee Bay to where Monroe's beaches would be. The sky is so vast and big. Today it was so perfect and clear. Is this the kind of day it will be when the sky splits open and Jesus appears?

My mind stayed on Jesus' return. I don't think about this as often as I should. But now I am. I am so acquainted with having a relationship with Him that is veiled by this earth that I live on. I've seen glimpses of His eyes and His arms. I've heard whispers of His voice. A few weeks ago, Pastor John said he saw Jesus come up behind me during worship and put His hand on my head. I believe him, but I didn't physically feel Jesus' hand...only the effects of it. How will my life change when I can really see the fullness of His beauty? Today I became more hungry. Today I became a little bit more excited and little bit less afraid that I might still be living on earth when He returns. Can you imagine being His child, His Bride and living to see the day when the sky rolls back like a big blue taco to reveal heaven? Then, out of heaven here HE comes???! HE! The ONE that I'm devoting my life to. The ONE who greets me with a mercy kiss every morning my eyes are awakened! The ONE who is so beautiful that even the heavenly hosts in all their splendor can do nothing but fall down to worship Him! What if it's on a day like today...a cloudless, vast perfect sky? How will the sky be rolled back? Will Jesus just command it to? Or will the hand of the Father do it? Or those weird creepy creatures with the eyes all over their bodies...will they do it?

I often feel jealousy towards the disciples for getting to live with Jesus and walk with Him here on this earth. What it must have been to hear His voice expound on His own Scriptures! But today my jealousy waned. What if I get to be on the earth when Jesus returns for the Bride He's been groaning and interceding for? Wow...take that Peter! :)

Nothing will be right until He returns! Maranatha, Jesus!

Ducks

2010-08-10T22:40:00.000-04:00

I want to know what these guys are talking about...

Clear and Concise...

2010-08-07T20:22:00.000-04:00

Worship is agreement with who God is. Intercession is agreement with what God promised to do. When we tell God who He is, our faith expands to believe what He will do. ~IHOP

This is one of the most simplest definitions of worship and intercession...I like it.

Craig Keener on Mary Magdalene at the empty tomb...

2010-08-03T18:02:00.000-04:00

Today, in preparation for what God wants to do at Redeemer this Sunday, I've been studying John 20:1-10. It's the story where Mary Magdalene, upon finding the empty tomb, runs to tell the disciples that someone has stolen Jesus' body.

I love what Craig Keener has written about Mary in volume 2 of his John commentary and thought I'd share it:

The faithfulness of Mary Magdalene frames, hence unites, the first two paragraphs of the resurrection narrative (20:1-2, 11-18), emphasizing the important roles played by women in the narrative - whose behavior again shames the supposedly bolder men. Eastern Christianity later called Mary "isapostolos," "equal to the apostles." Some early medieval commentators found in women's initial resurrection announcement a reversal of Eve's role at the fall. As in the earliest tradition, Mary is the first to find the tomb empty and the first to see Jesus risen from the dead.

Mary comes to the tomb first (20:1), and because she remains at the tomb after the male disciples leave (20:10-11), she also receives the first resurrection appearance in 20:15-16.

That it was yet dark (20:1) could symbolize Mary coming from darkness to the light; but in contrast to Nicodemus, Mary appears so positively here that other explanations are more likely. Because the Synoptics mention on that it was early but John that it was "dark", John may play on his light-and-darkness symbolism in a different way; the light of the world was about to be revealed in its darkness. The darkness may indicate Mary's fear or may emphasize her devotion in coming as soon as possible after the Sabbath and the night that followed it. Other accounts show mourners coming at the moment of dawn to show their affection for someone they loved dearly. Thus, perhaps as the priests were eager to dispense with Jesus as "early" as possible (18:28), she is unable to sleep and eager to demonstrate her devotion as early as possible.

Gratitude...

2010-08-02T22:02:00.000-04:00

TODAY I'M THANKFUL TO GOD BECAUSE...

*His promises to me are YES and AMEN.
*of the resurrection and that Jesus invites me to know Him in it.
*of the words, "IT IS FINISHED!"
*of the ministry that God has called me to.
*He's given me a heart of worship that is only increasing...not decreasing.
*the Holy Spirit who lives in me and leads me to all truth.
*my dishes are clean!
*He is my ever-present help in time of need.
*He never tires of my questions and curiosity.
*of my church family.
*all of my family are followers of Jesus.
*of the invention of cherry popsicles.
*my car is working and His provision of new brakes, tires and a gas cap!
*tomorrow I will wake up to new mercies.

What are you thankful for today?

Delight

2010-07-28T16:51:00.000-04:00

Recently I was struck by a couple verses in Jeremiah. He says to the Lord in 15:16, "Your words were found, and I ate them, and Your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by Your name, O Lord, God of hosts."

I'm caught by his phrase "the delight of my heart." This is a heart that is singly focused. It is a heart that has one pursuit. This heart only has eyes for one thing. A heart that can say the words uttered from Jesus are the delight is contented heart. It's a heart that doesn't find sustenance in other things. Paul wrote to the Philippians that he learned the secret of how to be content in all things...whether in plenty or hunger, abundance or need. (vs 4:11-12). This is the kind of heart who finds its delight in God's words.

In the next chapter of Jeremiah, we find that God instructs Jeremiah to never have a wife or children. He's not to attend funerals, parties or weddings. Basically, his social life had no existence! He belonged to God and God alone...not only that, but he was called to give a message to Israel that wasn't the most popular sentiment of the time. Jeremiah lived a very lonely-earthly existence...yet I believe he lived a very full heavenly existence. He was captured by the One who called him and gave him a purpose and destiny. There were no other distractions or earthly crutches of false identity.

I want to know and experience how to have this heart of contentedness. It often feels like an overwhelming carrot dangling over my head that is just outside of reach. I have moments where I feel content and I experience that God is the delight of my heart. But I have way too many other moments where the opposite of this is true. How did Paul learn this secret? In contentedness there is peace and rest. It is void of striving. Contentedness involves trust. When I struggle with trusting God, I want to run to all other things/people for assurance and answers. Contentedness involves a yielded heart. Contentedness seeks first the Kingdom of heaven because it knows that all things will be added in time. Worry and fret do not co-exist with contentedness.

I'm hungry to find contentment in abundance or need, to say that the words of Jesus are the delight of my heart.

Fall Schedule for RMS...

2010-07-28T09:57:00.001-04:00

Redeemer Ministry School

Enrollment is still available for the 2010-2011 class.

Spiritual Formation
Tuesdays, 9:30 – 1
Instructor: John Piippo

Description: In order to be used by God as an agent of renewal and transformation one must themselves be in a continual place of personal renewal and transformation. This course will combine times of personal prayer, spiritual journaling, and teaching from biblical and historical resources on what it means to dwell in the presence of God and be renewed and transformed.

Worship I
Wed., Fri., 9:30 – 11
Instructor: Holly Benner

Description: True worship and adoration comes from intimacy with God. It is founded on the understanding of God's great love for you. Intimacy and Worship will focus on building and furthering that love relationship with Him while defining what a lifestyle of worship looks like. This class will include an in-depth look at Song of Solomon and Old & New Testament character studies.

Bible Study Methods

Thursdays, 9:30 – 1
Instructor: Josh Bentley

Description: This course will provide students with systematic methods of studying scripture. Through those methods students will also learn how to practically apply their understanding as they study different books of the Bible.

Kingdom of God I
Thursdays, 4:30 – 7:30
Instructor: Jim Collins

Description: The main teaching of Jesus was about the "Kingdom of God" or "Kingdom of heaven." This course will present the major interpretations of the meaning of the kingdom of God that Jesus proclaimed. Students will learn to understand the real Jesus from the perspective of God's kingdom message.

Currently reading...

2010-07-23T17:23:00.000-04:00

In Stillness of Soul...by Andrew Murray

2010-07-21T16:10:00.000-04:00

Today I read a chapter out of Andrew Murray's book, "Abiding in Christ." He talks about quietness and stillness. I thought I'd include it below:

Andrew Murray: Abide In Christ

Chapter 18–IN STILLNESS OF SOUL

“In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and confidence shall be your strength.”– Isaiah 30:15

“Be silent to the Lord, and wait patiently for him.”– Ps.37:7

“Truly my soul is silent unto God.” Ps.62:1

THERE is a view of the Christian life that regards it as a sort of partnership, in which God and man have each to do their part. It admits that it is but little that man can do, and that little defiled with sin; still he must do his utmost–then only can he expect God to do His part. To those who think thus, it is extremely difficult to understand what Scripture means when it speaks of our being still and doing nothing, of our resting and waiting to see the salvation of God. It appears to them a perfect contradiction, when we speak of this quietness and ceasing from all effort as the secret of the highest activity of man and all his powers. And yet this is just what Scripture does teach. The explanation of the apparent mystery is to be found in this, that when God and man are spoken of as working together, there is nothing of the idea of a partnership between two partners who each contribute their share to a work. The relation is a very different one. The true idea is that of cooperation founded on subordination. As Jesus was entirely dependent on the Father for all His words and all His works, so the believer can do nothing of himself. What he can do of himself is altogether sinful. He must therefore cease entirely from his own doing, and wait for the working of God in him. As he ceases from self-effort, faith assures him that God does what He has undertaken, and works in him. And what God does is to renew, to sanctify, and waken all his energies to their highest power. So that just in proportion as he yields himself a truly passive instrument in the hand of God, will he be wielded of God as the active instrument of His almighty power. The soul in which the wondrous combination of perfect passivity with the highest activity is most completely realized, has the deepest experience of what the Christian life is.

Among the lessons to be learnt of those who are studying the blessed art of abiding in Christ, there is none more needful and more profitable than this one of stillness of soul. In it alone can we cultivate that teachableness of spirit, to which the Lord will reveal His secrets–that meekness to which He shows His ways. It is the spirit exhibited so beautifully in all the three Marys: In her whose only answer to the most wonderful revelation ever made to human being was, “Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to Thy word”; and of whom, as mysteries multiplied around her, it is written: “Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart.” And in her who “sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard His word,” and who showed, in the anointing Him for His burial, how she had entered more deeply into the mystery of His death than even the beloved disciple. And in her, too, who sought her Lord in the house of the Pharisee, with tears that spake more than words. It is a soul silent unto God that is the best preparation for knowing Jesus, and for holding fast the blessings He bestows. It is when the soul is hushed in silent awe and worship before the Holy Presence that reveals itself within, that the still small voice of the blessed Spirit will be heard.

Therefore, beloved Christian, as often as you seek to understand better the blessed mystery of abiding in Christ, let this be your first thought (Ps.62:5, marg.): “My soul, only be silent unto God; for my expectation is from Him.” Do you in very deed hope to realize the wondrous union with the Heavenly Vine? Know that flesh and blood cannot reveal it unto you, but only the Father in heaven. “Cease from thine own wisdom.” You have but to bow in the confession of your own ignorance and impotence; the Father will delight to give you the teaching of the Holy Spirit. If but your ear be open, and your thoughts brought into subjection, and your heart prepared in silence to wait upon God, and to hear what He speaks, He will reveal to you His secrets. And one of the first secrets will be the deeper insight into the truth, that as you sink low before Him in nothingness and helplessness, in a silence and a stillness of soul that seeks to catch the faintest whisper of His love, teachings will come to you which you had never heard before for the rush and noise of your own thoughts and efforts. You shall learn how your great work is to listen, and hear, and believe what He promises; to watch and wait and see what He does; and then, in faith, and worship, and obedience, to yield yourself to His working who works in you mightily.

One would think that no message could be more beautiful or welcome than this, that we may rest and be quiet, and that our God will work for us and in us. And yet how far this is from being the case! And how slow many are to learn that quietness is blessedness, that quietness is strength, that quietness is the source of the highest activity–the secret of all true abiding in Christ! Let us try to learn it, and to watch against whatever interferes with it. The dangers that threaten the soul’s rest are not a few.

There is the dissipation of soul which comes from entering needlessly and too deeply into the interests of this world. Every one of us has his divine calling; and within the circle pointed out by God Himself, interest in our work and its surroundings is a duty. But even here the Christian needs to exercise watchfulness and sobriety. And still more do we need a holy temperance in regard to things not absolutely imposed upon us by God. If abiding in Christ really be our first aim, let us beware of all needless excitement. Let us watch even in lawful and necessary things against the wondrous power these have to keep the soul so occupied, that there remains but little power or zest for fellowship with God. Then there is the restlessness and worry that come of care and anxiety about earthly things; these eat away the life of trust, and keep the soul like a troubled sea. There the gentle whispers of the Holy Comforter cannot be heard.

No less hurtful is the spirit of fear and distrust in spiritual things; with its apprehensions and its efforts, it never comes really to hear what God has to say. Above all, there is the unrest that comes of seeking in our own way and in our own strength the spiritual blessing which comes alone from above. The heart occupied with its own plans and efforts for doing God’s will, and securing the blessing of abiding in Jesus, must fail continually. God’s work is hindered by our interference. He can do His work perfectly only when the soul ceases from its work. He will do His work mightily in the soul that honors Him by expecting Him to work both to will and to do.

And, last of all, even when the soul seeks truly to enter the way of faith, there is the impatience of the flesh, which forms its judgment of the life and progress of the soul not after the divine but the human standard. In dealing with all this, and so much more, blessed the man who learns the lesson of stillness, and fully accepts God’s word: “In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.” Each time he listens to the word of the Father, or asks the Father to listen to his words, he dares not begin his Bible reading or prayer without first pausing and waiting, until the soul be hushed in the presence of the Eternal Majesty. Under a sense of the divine nearness, the soul, feeling how self is always ready to assert itself, and intrude even into the holiest of all with its thoughts and efforts, yields itself in a quiet act of self-surrender to the teaching and working of the divine Spirit. It is still and waits in holy silence, until all is calm and ready to receive the revelation of the divine will and presence. Its reading and prayer then indeed become a waiting on God with ear and heart opened and purged to receive fully only what He says.

“Abide in Christ!” Let no one think that he can do this if he has not daily his quiet time, his seasons of meditation and waiting on God. In these a habit of soul must be cultivated, in which the believer goes out into the world and its distractions, the peace of God, that passeth all understanding, keeping the heart and mind. It is in such a calm and restful soul that the life of faith can strike deep root, that the Holy Spirit can give His blessed teaching, that the Holy Father can accomplish His glorious work. May each one of us learn every day to say, “Truly my soul is silent unto God.” And may every feeling of the difficulty of attaining this only lead us simply to look and trust to Him whose presence makes even the storm a calm. Cultivate the quietness as a means to the abiding in Christ; expect the ever deepening quietness and calm of heaven in the soul as the fruit of abiding in Him.

Faith...

2010-07-18T22:22:00.000-04:00

I don't have anything astounding to write. I have some things I'm pondering about faith that have given me an urge to get it out of my system. If you're reading this, welcome to my head and feel free to jump ship at any moment!

One of the things I'm begging God to do in my life is to make me a woman of faith. I want to be able to trust Him with great big things...my deepest desires, the impossible, secrets that I don't share. I find it's easier for me to believe for breakthrough of His presence in giant rooms filled with people, to meet their needs in supernatural ways. It's easy for me to believe for provision and direction in the ministry He's called me to. But...to trust Him to see my own individual life apart from any ministry or function, is where I feel weak. I want it to be said of me at the end of my life that I was a person who understood and lived "be still and know that I AM God."

The book of Hebrews is one of my favorite books of the Bible...probably because it feels like an Old Testament book that snuck into the New Testament. The Old Testament makes me happy! I like Hebrews because it takes everything great in the Old Testament and layers the higher truth of the new covenant through Jesus Christ on top of it. One verse that has been haunting me for quite some time is Hebrews 11:6 -

And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him.

This verse is so intense! Without faith...I cannot please God. His pleasure is the pursuit. To hear Him say, "well done good and faithful servant" or "this is My daughter, in whom I'm well pleased" is beyond music to my ears. But without faith this isn't attained...if I take this verse literally. If faith is something that is a struggle in life, than there is good reason why this verse is scary. Not only can I not please Him without it, but the final phrase, "He rewards those who seek Him," is also linked into faith. So, if I'm struggling to believe He'll breakthrough and reward me with the things I'm seeking Him for, than it's a double whammy because on top of that I'm not pleasing Him! AUGHGH!

I've been spending time reading the miracle stories of Jesus in the gospels. They make me curious. Stories of desperate people in desperate situations who moved the heart of the Messiah. Interestingly, many of them received healing, freedom from demonic oppression or breakthrough and either confessed they had little to no faith OR they weren't a disciple of Jesus before their encounter. Jesus met their needs and desires, not based on faith, but based on His love and compassion for them. Today in conversation with a friend, I finally understood something. Faith pleases God, it's true. But faith does not empower God to move. This has to be true because if faith was what empowered Him to move, it would be by our efforts and works that would bring about breakthrough...which is the complete opposite of faith. Faith is empty of works and effort.

Faith brings gladness to His heart. He loves when we trust His goodness. He loves when we depend on His ability and storehouse, rather than our own resources. Faith pleases Him because it's relationship. But, God doesn't rely on the strength of my faith to drive His love and compassion for my life.

I don't think anything I'm writing here is that brilliant or filled with astounding wisdom. Sometimes I just have to get my musings down on a page to complete my thoughts and understanding. I don't want to have faith to manipulate Him into moving or to bring about as the final product fulfillment of my desires. I want to have faith because it's His desire and it brings Him pleasure.

I Want to Know Him - another Bob Sorge excerpt

2010-07-14T17:28:00.000-04:00

For Jesus has been counted worthy of more glory than Moses - as much more glory as the builder of a house has more honor than the house itself.
~Hebrews 3:3

The first motivation of my heart is that I want to be with Him. And the reason I want to be with Him is this: I want to know Him! This is the second great motivation that I want to energize all that I do. I want to know Him "in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge" (Colossians 2:3).

This is the passion that fills the breast of the saint who has been quickened to the beauty of Christ's face. Above all else, he longs desperately to know more of Christ.

Hebrews 3:3 says the builder of a house has more honor than the house itself. Speaking of Christ, the writer is saying that the Creator of the universe has more honor than the universe itself. Jesus is more honorable, more glorious, more incredible than the universe He created! So take your pick of the created order - want to tour a far-off galaxy? Interested in exploring a supernova? As splendiferous as that may be, exploring the face of Jesus is even more exciting!

Motivation

2010-07-14T16:46:00.000-04:00

If you're serving because you want to see souls saved, you'll probably get discouraged and quit. If, however, your motivation is to be with Jesus, then you'll never grow weary of reaching out to human needs. You'll be energized by the joy of fellowship with the Lord Jesus in the midst of the harvest field.

~Bob Sorge

the Father's heart...

2010-07-12T20:51:00.000-04:00

The past few weeks at Redeemer we have been continuing our Jesus study by focusing on the crucifixion passages. Bob Sorge, author and former worship leader at IHOP, says that in order to mover further into the love of God you must become an obsessed scholar of the cross. If you want to understand what true love is, look at Jesus on the cross. It displays the love of the Son. It displays the love of the Father. It displays the love of the Holy Spirit.

Lately I've been wondering a lot about the Father's view of the cross. I find it's true of my life that I remember events often in comparison to the emotions that tied into those events. I have many memories of differing situations involving emotions of joy, delight, surprise, excitement. I also have memories of events tied to grief, sorrow, anger and disappointment. As memories arise I find that the emotions linked to those memories are often felt all over again. How is it with the Father every time He thinks about the cross?

Jesus is so clear that His mission here on earth was to only do what He saw the Father doing and to only say what He heard the Father speak. His final words here on earth were, "Father, into Your hands I commit My spirit." Even in death, Jesus was submitted to the will of His Father. What kind of delight and pleasure does the Father take in the Son? How intense is His love for Jesus? What emotions well up within His heart over the Messiah? God the Father will never forget the cross. Even eternity will not be able to wipe that event away from His memory. How often does the Father ponder the cross? What was He thinking during those 3 days as He watched His Son being mocked, tortured and murdered? How intense were His emotions?

I know that the event of the cross was orchestrated so that we faulty humans could gain the wondrous relationship with God. My life is set on the course to understand this grace and love more. But even in that, I can be so self-centered to believe it's only about me...that Jesus only had me on His mind; that the Father only was paying attention to...ME! Yet, lately I'm wondering if, regardless of the Father's omniscient knowledge of what the cross would accomplish, He was more grieved and devastated in the moment of Jesus' death than I could ever understand? To watch His precious Son so willingly obey His every heart's whim, even unto death...what does that do to a Father's heart?

As I've been asking these questions, the extent of the Father's sacrifice and love for me is beginning to sink in. May it continue to sink in deeper and deeper still.

CREATED TO WORSHIP CD is here...

2010-06-24T12:53:00.000-04:00

My first CD, Created to Worship, arrives today!

What an adventure and learning experience this has been! So many people have served and given much effort and support for this project and I thank God for them.

The CD's can be purchased at Redeemer Fellowship Church (734-242-5277) or through the following link:

www.digstation.com/HollyBenner

It will be available on iTunes in a few weeks.

My heart was to do a live CD at my home church of Redeemer in Monroe, Michigan. God has poured out His great favor in our church in regards to worship. Our people LOVE to worship and have great heart's of honor and excitement over God's presence. I praise God that this is the culture I've grown up in. I wanted our worship experience to be captured for others to hear. My prayer is that this CD will be tool for other worship leaders and that as people listen, they will be caught up into the love and presence of God. Blessings!

Good things are coming...

2010-05-25T11:07:00.000-04:00

The next month for me is going to be filled with incredible God-moments! I have high anticipation...but before I say what's happening, here's a warm-up testimony!

A few weeks ago I lost a ring that is really special and significant to me. I never take it off, except for when I'm doing dishes. I've been really bummed about it and asking God to help me find it. It was no where in my house! Yesterday, I pulled a load of laundry out of the washer and there it sat! I'm convinced God put it there because how else would it travel from the window ledge in my kitchen down to my basement? This particular ring is a constant reminder of His love for me and my love for Him. It matters to me. So, it must matter to Him! I'm thankful...

So...about this next month...

This week at Redeemer we have a team from Bethel Church out of Redding, California coming. They are being led by Chris Overstreet. The conference is called Bethel School of Supernatural Evangelism. It will run Wednesday-Saturday of this week. This group of people are so great and we love hosting them! I get to lead worship at this conference and it's so fun! The atmosphere is very thick with joy and excitement over what God will do...a worship leader's dream! It is a sanctuary filled with hungry children for more of their Father.

The following week at Redeemer (June 4th-5th) we will be doing a live worship recording for my CD that's coming out. Anyone is invited to attend. This is something God has totally brought about. His goodness and favor are overwhelming. The worship nights will be Friday at 7:00 and Saturday at 6:00. My heart is not so much about capturing good music. I'm more excited about capturing a God encounter so that years from now I can listen to it and say, "Remember what God did that night? Remember how that person was set free from ___________? Remember how that person experienced the love of God for the first time?" That excites me!

Two weeks after that our worship team travels to Green Lake, Wisconsin for the annual Holy Spirit Renewal Ministries conference. This year Randy Clark is the main speaker. God's favor and presence over this man's life and ministry is incredible. To check out his ministry, click here. I can't wait to see what God does and to simply have that week set aside to be with Him. Life has been so busy the past few months and even though leading worship at this conference is a lot of hard work, it brings rest to my heart.

I've gone through seasons where it seems that God is silent or distant. These seasons are where I find I grow the most...but I hate them! :) I'm thankful for the days ahead. I'm thankful for His voice. I'm thankful that I can see Him moving. I'm thankful that I can trust His goodness...and that soon, very soon, fulfillment of promises are coming. Taste and see that the Lord is good!

PSALM 103

2010-05-19T16:31:00.000-04:00

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His steadfast love toward those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does He remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers we are dust. ~Psalm 103:11-14

This first picture is the view from Panera Bread in Monroe. Today in my quiet time I've been spending time in Psalm 103 and when I read verse 11, I took a minute and looked up into the sky to try to gain a perspective on how far God has removed my sin from me. As I did that, I began to feel a release from things I've been carrying recently. It often feels like my sin and my failures live right up in my face. I can't get away from the things I struggle with. When I read verses like these, however, I come back to true reality that Jesus has set me free from the torment of sin and death and that I am free to move and breathe. I am free to have joy and peace. I am free to accept His forgiveness and forgive others...BECAUSE...as high as the heavens are above the earth, that is how great His love is towards me! Anyone ready for a glory run???

(ps - the rest of these pictures are taken from the Hubble Telescope. These images catch God in His creativity just showing off! As you look through them, think about how vastly far away He has removed your sin from you. If you haven't made the decision to follow after this loving God, then hear and receive this truth that forgiveness is offered to you, too!)

He is the I AM...not the I WAS or I WILL BE

2010-05-12T13:31:00.001-04:00

My title of this post has been stolen from John Piippo out of his blogpost called "The Sacrament of the Present Moment." You can read his post here:

http://www.johnpiippo.com/2010/05/sacrament-of-present-moment.html

His post has me thinking much on how "present" God is. He is present, as in near and He is present, as in time...like past or future. I spend so much effort on waiting for God to come. My thoughts are propelled forward that He will come through SOON. I'm in waiting mode. This may be a season for me right now. I am waiting for Him to bring about certain things in my life. But, I find myself getting so caught up in the waiting that I forget He desires to be with me right now...and right now...and again...now. He has peace to bring in this very moment. He has righteousness to dress me in at this precise time. He wants to hear my voice tomorrow, but how much more fun for Him if I talk to Him right now.

I don't mean to do this, but I find myself often waiting to talk to God until I can put my best foot forward. Without being aware of it, I wait until I only have "pretty" things to bring to Him. I'm realizing more and more that He isn't concerned with my condition when I come to Him. He's concerned about whether I will come. He wants...me and all that comes with that package. He wants my goodness and my funk. He wants my joy, my righteousness. He wants my fears and my anger, frustration and confusion. He wants my submission and my stubbornness. He wants my wisdom and my ignorance. He wants...me. I can't pretty my heart up and put a bow on it and think that I can present myself to Him any more wonderful than what He already thinks.

Today, I was reading a quote about prayer and relationship with God, and the person had this to say:

Do you remember Moses at the burning bush? God had to tell him to take off his shoes - he didn't know it was holy ground. And if we can just come to see that right where we are is holy ground - in our jobs and homes, with our co-workers and friends and families. This is where we learn to pray.

I love this! Moses was the Old Testament deliverer! He saw things of God that in my wildest dreams I'm hungry to experience. He was a super-giant...and yet, God had to inform him he was standing on holy ground. Moses, the super-giant, was naive and blind just as I, in my human state, am naive and blind to many things of God. This brings such hope and freedom to my heart! God will use anyone yielded and hungry for Him. He will even use someone like...me. He is the NOW God. He wants to be in all things...this moment...and now this moment. He's ready to talk now. He's ready to move now. Every moment of our lives can be holy ground because He is invited into it. His desire is for me...and for you.

This makes me hungry for Him, which is a great place to be.

FIG LEAVES...

2010-05-07T17:05:00.002-04:00

Any barrier I create to hide my true condition from God's all-seeing, all-loving eye. I have many. I have leaves of shame, leaves of denial, leaves of fear. I have leaves of false holiness - if I can convince myself I am holy enough, maybe God can be fooled, too. The layers of leaves grow thicker and thicker, covering up all freedom and vulnerability. What am I afraid of?

What childishness to live my life saying to Omniscient God, "If I can't see You, You can't see me!" He knows ALL of me...every part. Intimately. Passionately. Lovingly. He sees every vile thought, every vile act. He sees when I try to cover my sin with righteousness and striving. I have defiled this temple I work so hard to cover. He knows...and still...He desires without repulsion.

He calls me.

He woos me.

He haunts me.

He washes me

and one by painful one, He removes them. Cheap leaf after cheap leaf. Lie after lie. False identity after false identity. Until...there I stand before His perfect beauty, naked and bare, real and raw. Just as I am before Him as He is. I wait for the grimace. I wait for the disappointed gaze or for His very face to turn away at the sight of my true condition.

What is He thinking when He sees me?

Wounds, scars, imperfections...are these where His eyes fall?

NO.

My Forgiver, my Beloved says, "Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold you are beautiful. Your eyes are doves. You have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes. You are altogether beautiful, my love, my fair one. There is no flaw in you."

He sees. He knows...and still...He desires without repulsion. Let beauty arise, and fig leaves fall.

Nothing Ordinary about this One...

2010-03-27T22:10:00.002-04:00

Peter wrote of Jesus in his first letter that, "He committed no sin and no deceit was found in His mouth." Jesus stated several times in the Gospels that He only came to do or say what He heard the Father say...meaning if no deceit was found in Jesus' mouth, than no deceit is found in the Father's mouth.

In Revelation 12:10 Satan is called "the accuser of the saints." His job is to rob, steal, kill and destroy. There is no truth in him.

There is a clear distinction between these two worlds. Truth - lies. Life abundant - death. Love - hatred. Grace - accusation. Purposed identity - useless existence. Transformation - stagnancy. Hope - hopelessness. The difference is screamingly obvious. I've known love from the One and known torment from the other.

Why, then, do we (I) spend so much of our waking moments attributing the attributes of Satan to the Father and vice versa? Why do we day after day choose to believe that the lies are truth and the truth are lies? Our Father, who has no deceit in His mouth, says throughout His Word that He delights in us. He chose us. He's forgiven us. He's set us apart. He calls us sons and daughters and with us...He is well pleased. Why do we (I) exchange these things that we have given our life to believe for the lies of our adversary? Satan's hell is easier to believe than the Father's heaven. I sing praise to my God on Sunday and spend the other 6 days of the week calling Him a liar when He's kind and loving to me. I, in turn, take the side with the accuser by telling God He cannot possibly love something like...this...me...as if I have some hidden wisdom and discernment that He doesn't have.

God...the Father, Jesus, the Holy Spirit...has done nothing but love me and wash me in purpose, grace, kindness and power. He has no motive other than to make me better. He's with me to the end...for better or worse. He's fully committed. There is no other option for Him but to love me endlessly and to save me according to the plans He's made for me. Divorce will not take place. Who can compare to our God? Who is like Him? He is extra-ordinary. Accusers are found everywhere you turn...but true love? It's found in One place.

When I refuse to believe God's love for me, I make Him ordinary. When I refuse to believe who He defines me to be, I make Him ordinary. I make Him like every other accusatory, negative thing on earth. The most humble thing we can do is walk around with holy confidence that the God of the Universe finds us to be splendid, intriguing, worthy of rescue, curious, delightful, talented, child-like, pleasing, luminant, funny, captivating...the ones He wants to spend His time with. Arrogance sides with the accuser to tell God He is wrong to call us any of those things.

How can I believe in the miraculous resurrection of Christ and not believe that I'm loved and forgiven always? Holy Spirit...humble my heart to receive your gift of love, identity and acceptance. Tonight, I side with the voice of Truth. Silence the accuser.

Wings of the Wind

2010-03-20T12:02:00.003-04:00

He makes the clouds His chariot

and rides on the wings of the wind.

He makes winds His angels,

flames of fire His servants.

~Psalm 104:3-4

I love the majesty of God displayed in Psalm 104. There is none like Him. All of creation is under His gracious sovereignty. Sometimes I like to read this Psalm aloud to Him in worship of His...bigness! Verses 3-4 in particular caught my attention this week. What if these verses are literal, and not figurative? What if every time we feel the wind it is the effect of God riding by on the wings of His angels? If He holds the universe in His hands, it makes sense to me that I should be able to feel Him within the physical universe. I think it's easy sometimes to lock God in to only being a spiritual entity. But, He created the physical, which means that He is able to interact with us in physical, tangible experiences. If nothing else, these verses have heightened my imagination and I've found myself thinking twice about a seemingly mundane draft of wind. It's possible that I could have just felt the undercurrents of God's presence racing past me on a chariot of heaven. For me, this makes the world more fun.

Correction

2010-03-07T20:41:00.000-05:00

I'm in between a promise and the fulfillment in the place called process. I've been in this place called process for several years now. The longer it lasts, the more impossible the fulfillment becomes and the more difficult it is to believe that God will bring it. I would love to say that I have great faith and believe wholeheartedly He will do what He has spoken in my life. But, sadly, more often than not I find myself, like Sarah, laughing in doubt due to the circumstances that surround me. This has been one of those weeks. It has been a week filled with doubt and confusion. It has been a week where I have harbored thoughts set against His faithfulness. My mind has been allowed to conquer what I know to be true in my heart about His goodness and ability to do the impossible.

Last night, in a moment of hurt, unbelief and anger I told a friend that I feel like God has betrayed me...I don't think there is any statement more whiny than that! I fell asleep in a pout. When I woke up, God began dealing with my pouting heart. I have several amazing models in my life of what it looks like to honor others. One of the vital pieces to the honor puzzle is to only speak kind words about a person. I see this in many marriages I know....husbands and wives who refuse to complain or speak negatively about their spouse to others. This has always caught my attention as something that highly reflects the heart of God. Have you ever known Him to complain or speak a negative, demeaning word against a human being? Out of all the beings in all of creation, it seems that He would have the most to complain about! Yet...only loving kindness proceeds from His mouth.

God corrected me today. Out of love for Him, I should never complain or speak negatively about Him. If I am confused or frustrated about anything He does, out of honor for Him and His character, I should never share those things with others. I should only deal directly with Him about those things. I wonder what would happen if we took Ephesians 4:26 (Do not let the sun go down on your anger) and applied that to our relationships with God? Let's be honest...God's ways are not our ways. It happens that His ways make us angry sometimes. Why doesn't He just do things the way I want Him,too...right? Isn't this true for any intimate relationship?

So...today was just another day of correction, repentance, forgiveness and grace. I hurt Him with my mouth and His kindness towards me has, today, brought another increase in my heart to live for His pleasure and His honor. Thank You, Jesus, for Your patience, honesty and mercy. Touch the coal to my lips and fill my heart anew with honor for who You are. For out of the heart, the mouth speaks.

Like A Child

2010-03-02T15:22:00.001-05:00

Earlier today I saw a father and a son shopping for a gift that, I'm assuming, was for the wife/mother. The son was maybe 4 years old - sweetly energetic and full of questions. Every few seconds I heard, "Daddy ______? Can I have ______, Daddy? Daddy, how does ______ work? Daddy, how much does this cost? Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" Now, I, as the onlooker found this little guy to be wonderful...in my 1.4 minutes that I had to stand there and listen to his constant line of questioning. The father, on the other hand whom I assume hears this 24/7, was slightly less engaged by the high-pitched squealing of this tot. He would answer with a shrug, a grunt, a murmur...half paying attention, trying to accomplish the task for which he came.

Sometimes, this is how I feel God must respond to me. I am FILLED with questions. I learn through questions. I thrive through questions. I've had many thoughts over the years that have questioned whether I drive God crazy with my unending questions or perhaps that I'm a burden to Him. He has far more important tasks to accomplish than to simply be my Answer. Sometimes, when I dwell on these thoughts too long I will hold back my questions from Him. Now, I understand that these things are a lie and against the very Father-heart of God. How quickly the enemy comes to slip that lie in, though, when I'm not paying attention.

Today, as I was watching this little boy, I was reminded that for my Father, I am the accomplished task for which He came. He is never burdened when we bring questions to Him. He is never too busy for our wonderings. He is never too preoccupied to stop and tell us how the Kingdom works. He welcomes questions. He welcomes imagination. He isn't territorial with His life, but desires to make it open and available to His kids.

I want to be more like my Father.

But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

It's interesting that Luke adds this Jesus-quote shortly after the story of the persistent widow, who would not give up asking for justice and bringing her requests before the judge. How persistent are children when they need something or want to know something? They will never stop unless an answer is given! We humans call that pestering...yet, God calls it persistence. There's a built-in faith inside of children. They believe their questions/needs will be met with full assurance...until the world tells them differently, of course. God desires our questions, our thoughts, our dependence, our impossible situations. He is Father. We are children. He has the correct answer for how to tie shoes, and button pants, for how to write our names, and how to ride bikes.

He has answers, we have questions. It's the perfect relationship.

Fun Guidelines to Live By...

2010-02-20T00:15:00.003-05:00

Praise... until the spirit of worship comes.

Worship...until the glory comes.

Stand in the glory!

Christmas is Coming!

2010-02-17T17:06:00.003-05:00

I remember one Christmas when I was a little girl wanting a specific doll. I had seen it in a catalog and knew my life would not be complete without it. Even at the age of 7, I wanted to be a mother! I circled it with a big magic marker and laid it open to the page on my parents' bed. My mom was always a sucker for buying me and my sisters dolls, so I knew once I made it known the doll would be under the tree. I never faltered. I never worried. A few weeks before Christmas, the presents were wrapped and I got to look at the tree and dream for several days until that doll was mine. I remember gently snooping, so as not to disturb the arrangement of the presents, to look for the doll shaped box. Sure enough, it was under there. It was as good as mine...but not mine yet. I was so excited that morning to open that gift and finally hold the doll that I had requested.

For me, looking back, this is a reflection of what our relationship with the Father can be, or should be. I'm His child and I'm filled with desires. Some of those desires are selfish and some of those desires are dreams that He has begun and is anxious to make happen. Once these dreams are made known to Him or He makes them known to me, it's equivalent to the doll-shaped box being under the tree. Those dreams will happen, but there is a timing, a "Christmas Day" that must be waited for before they can be opened. Once God speaks a promise, the fulfillment exists. I never once wavered in my trust in my parents...would they give me that special gift or would they withold it from me? I just slept peacefully in my feety pajamas and joyfully expected it to come. How much more is my heart to rest in the assurance of my Father's goodness and joyfully expect that He is true to His word? As great as my earthly parents are, He is so much greater! And yet, I waver.

Today I found myself asking the Holy Spirit to give me the gift of faith. Faith brings pleasure to the heart of God (Hebrews 11:6). In fact, Scripture says it is impossible to please God without faith. But faith comes at a high price. In order to have the gift of faith, you have to exercise faith which means situations that require faith. These situations are never easy. These situations can bring much turmoil and travail. Why does faith please Him? I don't know the full answer but it seems that He must understand how difficult it is to exercise. It means having self-control over my thoughts and my emotions. It means not allowing my circumstances to dictate His character. It means being unmoved in my belief that if God has spoken, His word will not return to Him empty without fulfillment. It means rest while the storms rage around me. It means being assured and confident that though I don't see it now, I will. I want to trust God far more than I trusted my parents for Christmas presents. The promises He has spoken to me are already under the tree and today, I am one day closer to fulfillment.

Thank You, Jesus, that one more day is down and behind me! I'm one day closer to opening up that fulfillment, that great gift You've spoken. May You find me joyfully expectant and not daily disappointed in the waiting.

God Desires Us To Know Truth

2010-02-08T12:05:00.000-05:00

In my quiet time recently, I spent time meditating on John 16:12-13 which reads:

"I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. When the Spirit of truth comes, He will guide you into all truth, for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak, and He will declare to you the things that are to come."

These verses make me hungry. Imagine you have Jesus physically in front of you and He tells you that there is much more to say, but He's withholding because you can't bear what He has to say. You can't handle what He has to say. I can't tell whether this is Jesus' kindness to not overwhelm His disciples or if it's a sign of weakness on the disciples part that they are unable to hold anymore truth. I've been asking God today what is my truth-bearing capacity? If Jesus has truth He wants to share with me, I want to have the strength to bear it. God, increase my ability to bear truth and revelation!

Jesus then drops this amazing gift into our laps by saying that the Holy Spirit is coming...and He's coming to lead us into ALL truth. Not some truth. ALL truth. 1 Corinthians 2:10 says that "the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God." He is still doing this today...running to and fro discovering the thoughts, emotions, secrets and desires of God. This is the truth that He's come to lead us into - the very depths of God, His character, His heartbeat, His passion, His righteousness.

Paul goes on to say in 1 Corinthians 2:12 that "we have not received the spirt of this world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God." So, this Spirit who searches the very depths, the inner-core workings of God, resides within me. How much truth does your Holy Spirit have access to??? A few verses earlier Paul writes that "no eye has seen, no ear has heard, nor the heart of man imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him." The Spirit searches the deep things of God. Is it possible that you are found in the depths of God, that you're on His mind, in His heart? He has thoughts and plans for you and the Holy Spirit, who searches everything, lives within you. It seems to me that God is passionate about revealing these things to us.

What has God prepared for you? If you can think of it, it's too small. If you can imagine it, your dreams are too minute in comparison for what God has prepared for you. Dream big. Think big. You have the Holy Spirit, who searches everything of God, dwelling within you and He's a horrible secret-keeper! He wants us to know. Your life is not small, but rather, you're a walking tabernacle of the Holy Spirit. What a job! What a purpose! What a holy calling! God desires us to know truth.

I believe this is true...

2010-02-03T14:48:00.002-05:00

Unbelief says, "My life is slipping away from me; I've got to do something different."

But faith says, "I'd rather die than stop contending for the promise."

Faith prays until the answer comes.

The meaning of prayer is answer.
~Bob Sorge

Fear of God OR Love of God...it's all about perspective.

2010-02-01T13:11:00.000-05:00

I was spending some time in the book of Hebrews last week and stumbled across a verse that has been wonderfully haunting since.

Nothing in all creation is hidden from the sight of God, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of Him to whom we must give an account. Hebrews 4:13

Verses like these make me want to run and cringe sometimes...or, all the time! God sees everything. He knows everything. All those thoughts and behaviors that I work so hard to keep hidden from view HE is taking them in. His eyes are fixed on me. Where are my fig leaves???

As I was reading this verse and whimpering time stood still as I heard Him say, "Hol, aren't you glad that I AM the God that has this ability?" In a moment a verse, a truth that brought upon the fear of the Lord was now superceded by the love of God. I'm not saying that the fear of God was gone. However, in a moment the realization of His love became so much bigger than my fear of Him. What if we served a god who had no love in his heart for us and who could see everything about us? There would be no grace, no mercy, no compassion, no forgiveness, no rescue. Unbelievers in Jesus Christ live in this reality. Thank You, God, for being who You are. Thank You, God, for being the One who rescued me. Thank You, God, that you see me completely exposed before You and You still want me. It's beautiful. It's humbling. It's the kind of God I need. His ability to see everything about me, the good and the sin, coupled with His great love makes Him safe. Come in, Father, and see my sin because I know that in Your love, You will remove it for my good and You will not leave me as I am. You are good.

I believe that having reverance, fear and awe of God is vital to our relationship with Him. Scripture says that it is the beginning of all wisdom. However, fear should never keep us from His love. I think often we can spend much of our time trying to DO the right thing out of fear that God won't accept us otherwise. This is backwards. It is His love that propels us to do anything. We stand accepted. We don't have to fight for this position. He is captivated by us. He has given everything to have us. In a true love relationship, you DO things for a person because you love pleasing them and because you know they love you. Why do we treat God any differently, worrying about His thoughts towards us? Today is my Sabbath. I plan on spending it entering the rest of His love for me.

What Can God Do With a Transformed Life?

2008-12-26T18:49:00.002-05:00

I LOVE the Old Testament! The lives of the people are like parables with hidden treasures and secrets to be found. Tonight, I'm a bit captivated by the life of Moses. Have you ever really stopped to wonder and dwell on the different ways that God Almighty revealed Himself to Moses? Who gets to see God in that fashion??? God BEGAN the revelation of Himself with an unconsumed blazing bush. That was Moses' beginning. How does it get better and more amazing than that? God had just set the stakes really high to continue moving Moses from glory to glory.

Moses, at this beginning stage of His relationship with Yahweh, was a weak-kneed, mumbling wreck. He couldn't put coherent sentences together. He didn't feel equipped to live up to the task of what God called him to do. He was called to save a nation from the bondage of slavery and he knew he wasn't good enough. All he saw when he looked at himself was weakness, failure, inability. Yet...God called him.

We know the story. God used Moses to boldly stand before Pharoah of Egypt and to declare that the people of Israel belonged to Him, not this pagen king. The nation was saved and God's glory before Moses grew. In Exodus 19, God appears before him and all of rescued Israel as a fire, not in a little bush, but in a roaring, blazing cloud covering the top of Mount Sinai. Moses was called to now enter this fire, larger than his first encounter with the glory of the Lord. What had happened to this weak, mumbling man that he was allowed to enter this weight of God's presence?

In Exodus 24, Moses is once again called to enter the presence of God on Mount Sinai, along with the priests and elders of Israel. Verse 9 says, "and they SAW the God of Israel. There was under His feet as it were a pavement of sapphire stone, like the very heaven for clearness. And He did not lay His hand on the chief men of Israel; the BEHELD God, and ate and drank." I looked up the original Hebrew for "saw" and "beheld" and it means...they saw and beheld Him. This was not a vision. They literally saw God. John, in Revelation, saw similar things of heaven but it was in the form of a vision. Moses literally beheld God. What had happened to this man that he was allowed to see God in this way? How had he been changed? What was his heart like?

Later, after God had given Himself in blood covenant with the Israelites, they abandoned Him to worship the golden calf. The degraded His glory. They used their gold and wealth, which was to be set aside to build the tabernacle of God, to create a pagen image and they performed defiling, worldly acts in tribute to it. After all that God had done, they willingly gave themselves over to idolatry and sin. Aaron, who had been put in leadership over Israel in Moses' absence, relented and allowed Israel to conduct themselves in this way. God's response, in Exodus 32:9, was, "Now therefore let Me alone, that My wrath may burn hot against them and I may consume them, in order that I may make a great nation of you." In the very next verse, Moses steps in the way of God's wrath and intercedes on behalf of fallen Israel and God relented. Aaron was too weak to restrain the people; Moses was strong enough to restrain even God!

Moses transformed from being a mumbler too afraid to speak in front of Pharoah, to a man of strength willing to mediate between God and a people. What can God do with a transformed life? How are you different from the first moment you encountered the presence of God until now? What is your story? What can and will God do with you as you change from glory to glory?

Beggars and Royalty

2008-12-18T11:13:00.002-05:00

A little while back, I was sitting outside at a coffee shop downtown Grand Rapids, Michigan. It was a beautiful night and there were so many people walking around that I had alot of fun on my perch watching them and hearing snippets of their conversations. Sometimes it's fun to do that because it reminds me of how big God's love is. All of those people are known and loved by their Father. He sees every detail of all of their lives. It's really easy to be so self-absorbed and think that God is only involved in what happens with ME! But, His love is so big.

As I was reading and, of course, drinking my caramel-goo-coffee with whipped cream, I was approached by a man who appeared to be homeless, begging on the streets. He asked me for $.50. I told him that I didn't have any change but he could have a dollar. His face lit up at the prospect of getting double what he asked for, and then he turned it around and asked if I'd give him $2.00! I kind of enjoyed his persistence.

As he walked away, the first thing I thought of was how child-like his heart must be to be able to make his needs known to a complete stranger. I feel so often that I have trouble having this heart towards God, who knows me. I tend to want to deal with everything on my own rather than to ask the King of kings for help, as if I'd be a bother to Him or maybe He wouldn't have enough. I thought it was interesting, too, that this man asked only for $.50. Why wouldn't he have shot for the moon and then worked downward? Maybe he would have received a better pay off. Or, maybe he's been rejected so many times that he knew to have high expectations would only bring disappointment.

As I was wondering about him in the 2.4 seconds it took for him to walk away, God said to me, "You're not a beggar, but royalty. And, I want you to be child-like and come to me with your heart, but you ARE to shoot for the moon because I made it. All that I have is yours." How often do I go to God as a beggar, hoping that He'll answer me just enough to get by? God, give me only $.50 of your goodness because I'm not sure if you'll give me $100.00 when asked for it. I approach Him like a beggar, rather than a royal child of the King...a royal child's voice is always heard by their Father, the King. I want to continually walk around like I'm homeless and tattered when He's brought me into His house and dressed me in pure white without blemish.

The man wouldn't give me his name, but I prayed for him as he rounded the corner, out of my view, that God would reveal to him that he's not a beggar, but a son of God. I'm asking God to continue that revelation in my heart, as well.

The Parable of the Wedding Feast

2008-12-16T13:24:00.000-05:00

Luke 14:15-24

What am I really invited into when invited to the Wedding Feast at the end of this age? The Banquet comes at the end of something. What?

war, struggle, death, self.

It's the victory celebration of all that has been conquered. Accepting the invitation means accepting a temporary life of war, struggle, death, the end of me. This must happen before victory...it's the mountain of myrrh mentioned in Song of Songs.

Jesus, silence all of my excuses for not having intimacy with You, because my excuses are just as absurd and ludicrous as the people in this parable. Nothing is more important than You, Your plans, Your Kingdom. Come and remove everything that keeps me from loving You. Altogether beautiful You are. Make me more like You. Give me undistracted devotion for Your face and Your ways. Celebrating with You in love at the wedding makes this fight worth every second, every day. I yield myself to You. You've won. You've conquered my heart. I love You and at any price I want a seat at this banquet.

How would my life change if I loved with Your face and our wedding day constantly in front of my eyes?

Awake, O north wind, and come O south wind! Blow upon my garden, let its spices flow. Let my Beloved come to His garden, and eat its choicest fruits.

Come, my Beloved, and have Your way in my heart, my life. I trust You to bring anything in my life that will lead to 100% obedience and devotion to Your face. Dine on the fruits in my heart produced and cultivated by Your Spirit. I belong to You.