I don't have anything astounding to write. I have some things I'm pondering about faith that have given me an urge to get it out of my system. If you're reading this, welcome to my head and feel free to jump ship at any moment!
One of the things I'm begging God to do in my life is to make me a woman of faith. I want to be able to trust Him with great big things...my deepest desires, the impossible, secrets that I don't share. I find it's easier for me to believe for breakthrough of His presence in giant rooms filled with people, to meet their needs in supernatural ways. It's easy for me to believe for provision and direction in the ministry He's called me to. But...to trust Him to see my own individual life apart from any ministry or function, is where I feel weak. I want it to be said of me at the end of my life that I was a person who understood and lived "be still and know that I AM God."
The book of Hebrews is one of my favorite books of the Bible...probably because it feels like an Old Testament book that snuck into the New Testament. The Old Testament makes me happy! I like Hebrews because it takes everything great in the Old Testament and layers the higher truth of the new covenant through Jesus Christ on top of it. One verse that has been haunting me for quite some time is Hebrews 11:6 -
And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him.
This verse is so intense! Without faith...I cannot please God. His pleasure is the pursuit. To hear Him say, "well done good and faithful servant" or "this is My daughter, in whom I'm well pleased" is beyond music to my ears. But without faith this isn't attained...if I take this verse literally. If faith is something that is a struggle in life, than there is good reason why this verse is scary. Not only can I not please Him without it, but the final phrase, "He rewards those who seek Him," is also linked into faith. So, if I'm struggling to believe He'll breakthrough and reward me with the things I'm seeking Him for, than it's a double whammy because on top of that I'm not pleasing Him! AUGHGH!
I've been spending time reading the miracle stories of Jesus in the gospels. They make me curious. Stories of desperate people in desperate situations who moved the heart of the Messiah. Interestingly, many of them received healing, freedom from demonic oppression or breakthrough and either confessed they had little to no faith OR they weren't a disciple of Jesus before their encounter. Jesus met their needs and desires, not based on faith, but based on His love and compassion for them. Today in conversation with a friend, I finally understood something. Faith pleases God, it's true. But faith does not empower God to move. This has to be true because if faith was what empowered Him to move, it would be by our efforts and works that would bring about breakthrough...which is the complete opposite of faith. Faith is empty of works and effort.
Faith brings gladness to His heart. He loves when we trust His goodness. He loves when we depend on His ability and storehouse, rather than our own resources. Faith pleases Him because it's relationship. But, God doesn't rely on the strength of my faith to drive His love and compassion for my life.
I don't think anything I'm writing here is that brilliant or filled with astounding wisdom. Sometimes I just have to get my musings down on a page to complete my thoughts and understanding. I don't want to have faith to manipulate Him into moving or to bring about as the final product fulfillment of my desires. I want to have faith because it's His desire and it brings Him pleasure.