Any barrier I create to hide my true condition from God's all-seeing, all-loving eye. I have many. I have leaves of shame, leaves of denial, leaves of fear. I have leaves of false holiness - if I can convince myself I am holy enough, maybe God can be fooled, too. The layers of leaves grow thicker and thicker, covering up all freedom and vulnerability. What am I afraid of?
What childishness to live my life saying to Omniscient God, "If I can't see You, You can't see me!" He knows ALL of me...every part. Intimately. Passionately. Lovingly. He sees every vile thought, every vile act. He sees when I try to cover my sin with righteousness and striving. I have defiled this temple I work so hard to cover. He knows...and still...He desires without repulsion.
He calls me.
He woos me.
He haunts me.
He washes me
and one by painful one, He removes them. Cheap leaf after cheap leaf. Lie after lie. False identity after false identity. Until...there I stand before His perfect beauty, naked and bare, real and raw. Just as I am before Him as He is. I wait for the grimace. I wait for the disappointed gaze or for His very face to turn away at the sight of my true condition.
What is He thinking when He sees me?
Wounds, scars, imperfections...are these where His eyes fall?
My Forgiver, my Beloved says, "Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold you are beautiful. Your eyes are doves. You have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes. You are altogether beautiful, my love, my fair one. There is no flaw in you."
He sees. He knows...and still...He desires without repulsion. Let beauty arise, and fig leaves fall.