Much has changed in my life over the past few years. I'm still worship leader and children's director at Redeemer. God has given me the sweetest man and our beautiful adopted 6 year old daughter the sweetest Dad. We have our 1 year old daughter who is funny, feisty, sweet and sassy...the perfect combo of her mom and dad. I'm in the thick of Mom/Wife life...a place I honestly never thought I'd get to be. I'm thankful. I'm exhausted. I smile more now than I feel I ever have. Yet, I feel overwhelmed with all that's on my shoulders to handle well.
I am not one who appreciates having to ask for help. My husband is a pilot and so our life is very different. He's gone 4-5 days a week. It leaves much to juggle when he's away and makes our time together so much sweeter when he's home. I'm used to my independent heart that is more than able to do what I'm called to do. This is a new season for me. I can't do life in my own strength. In reality, I never have been able to do it in my own strength. I've just thought I could! I struggle to have enough time to do...anything! Most importantly, my prayer time. It often feels easier to put God on the back burner, or the bottom of my check-list because to sit in quiet feels so unproductive in my task oriented heart. The tasks are never ending. They never go away. They are never done. Laundry, full time ministry, dishes, the children, meetings, leadership, the dog...it's always there. Never finished. I fall asleep...busy.
David utters a cry for HELP in Psalm 5:
VS 1 "Don't You hear me crying out to You? My King and my God, consider my every word, for I am calling out to You."
David built a life, a routine, a habit of crying out to God. It wasn't just when life was hard or overwhelming. It didn't matter his circumstances. He cried out to God in joy, in fear, in pain, in confusion and in grief. He thrived and flourished by asking for HELP.
VS 3 "At each and EVERY sunrise You will hear my voice as I prepare my sacrifice of prayer to You. EVERY morning I lay out the pieces of my life on the altar and WAIT for Your fire to fall upon my heart."
Just as my children call my name 492 times a day, for any need, for any question, for comfort, for excitement...a lifestyle of loving and trusting God requires a habit of crying out to God. My 6 year old daughter is at an age where she wants to do everything herself. And, 9 times out of 10 it gets her into trouble. She knows just enough to not be able to do many things, simply because she wants to do them in her 6 year old strength. Independence from God's help, independence from saying His name, is dangerous. Destructive. Life-sucking. Miserable. Anxiety-ridden. Lonely.
This morning I feel challenged to build into my life in a greater way the habit of laying out the pieces of my life on the altar every day and to WAIT for God's fire to fall on my heart. Today, God, I am calling out to You. HELP.